Frostbite
by The World in my Pocket
Summary: Please," I begged the kind doctor, hating the amount of pity I saw in his eyes. I sqeezed Edward's still hand, turning to look at my comatose husband. "He's the only thing I have left...don't make me do this." BxE, AU, Human...
1. Who Knew?

**Disclaimer: **These lovely characters, setting, and recognizable strings of the plot are all derived from the Twilight series, which I do not own. ((And I refuse to post this every single chapter. Here it is, bask in it's glory.))

The song used is not mine, either. Thanks, P!nk, for the inspiration.

Summary: "Please," I begged the kind doctor, hating the amount of pity I saw in his eyes. I sqeezed Edward's still hand, turning to look at my comatose husband. "He's the only thing I have left," I turned back to the doctor's alarmingly understanding eyes, "Please don't make me do this..." BxE, AU, Human.

_Author's Note:_ So, the summary is more or less a "preface", I suppose. A basic summary would consist of the idea that Bella and Edward are human and married, with a five-year-old son, named Josh. They're moving from the big city of Chicago to the little town of Forks to find their "happily ever after" when tragedy strikes.

But I'm sure that's a little less attention grabbing as my original summary, don't you think?  
...I'd like to think so. xDD

Enjoy!

* * *

_Frostbite  
Chapter One: Who Knew?_

_"When someone said count your blessings now  
'fore they're long gone  
I guess I just didn't know how  
I was all wrong  
They knew better  
Still you said forever  
And ever  
Who knew"  
_

* * *

It was nearing midnight, and the sky was a deep blue; nearly black. The highbeams on my husband's precious Volvo were the only obstruction to the darkness. Edward was tapping a steady beat on the steering wheel, but other than that, our car was engulfed in a peaceful silence; Josh was asleep in the backseat. Our little family was only a few moments away from our new life. Our new... less _dramatic _life, I hoped. Not that life in Chicago had been unnaturally difficult, but it had been painful and I can only hope Forks will bring the kind of monotony I was welcoming warmly for the first time in my life.

It was weird, though, leaving my home for my entire life to go to the smallest town in the US (well, that was an exaggeration, but it _felt _like that). If you had asked me, years ago, if I would ever give up living in the big city to dwell in a small town, I would have laughed. Then again, years ago, I didn't know Edward...

I snuck a glance at my gorgeous husband, his angelic features illuminated by the gear lights. A small smile of contentment slowly spread across my face. Edward was much better than the "Prince Charmings" of my childhood fantasies, and I had to keep pinching myself to insure it wasn't all a simple dream.

I had met him in college by chance; few pre-Med students take Creative Writing, after all. We married after I had graduated from college and before he had started Med School. I became pregnant soon after, and Josh had been the most wonderful Christmas present in the world that year...

It was a struggle, though, between college loans, rent, and raising a very demanding baby, money was tight. I had difficulties finding a job as a teacher, and settled as a Starbucks barista by day, and a Mommy by night. Both of our parents had attempted to help us best as they could, but free babysitting and the random Sunday dinner can only do so much.

Soon after Josh was born, though, tragedy struck our house. I still shiver at the memory, of those months, all those many years ago--

"Are you cold, Bella?"

There was my overly obseverant husband... always worrying about me. I smiled at him warmly.

"Just thinking," I whispered back. I reached over and squeezed his hand. "It's a change, you know? A big one."

He brought our joined hands to his lips, kissing my fingers softly. "It'll be okay," he promised me sincerely. "Dr. Cullen is supposed to be one of the best physicians in the state," I nodded, knowing he was also reassuring himself as well about our choice. "I'm lucky to be working under him." He kissed my finers again. "And I'm sure you'll be the most popular teacher and Forks High," he winked. I snorted, but couldn't help but smile and the thought. "Besides," he added quietly, "we promised we wouldn't raise Josh in the city... not like us, remember?"

"It'll be okay," I reiterated his original promise, and squeezed his hand gently. He rubbed his thumb in small circles on the back of my hand, and I smiled at the warmth. His hands were always warmed, and his touch warmed me. "We just need to get there," I groaned.

"Do you want to drive?" He offered, but I shook my head.

"We'll get there faster if you drive anyway," I refused to look at the spedometer. Long ago I had accepted the fact that my husband had a... "need for speed". He laughed, his eyes twinkling.

"I'm going the speed limit," but this did little to help me; I couldn't remember the last time I saw a sign. For all I knew, there wasn't one! "Thirty-five, Bella... Josh is in the car," he said sadly, and I sighed. I didn't mean to upset him; he just worries me when he drives like a maniac.

"Good," I murmured finally, and he brought our hands to his lips again. I took my free hand and turned on the stereo; the bright light that signaled was blinding in the blackness. I lowered the volume and switched the CDs.

"What--no Wiggles?" Edward teased.

"Not if I can help it," I muttered back, basking in the victory of finally listening to my own music. The classical music that came floating from the speakers was not something our five-year-old son enjoyed, or _should _for that matter (what kid _would_?). I was about to take full advantage of his nap in the backseat. Edward chuckled beside me--it was one of his favorite bands as well--and I couldn't help but grin back.

"Are we there yet?"

As suddenly as I had been enjoying my peace, it was gone. Josh had stirred in the back seat only to ask the same question every five minutes or so for the time he was conscious during our two-day drive to our new home in Forks, Washington. I sighed, biting my lip as I pressed the "POWER" button and ended the music. "No," I said simply, but I was looking at my husband, glowering at his chuckles.

"He gets it from you, you know," he whispered to me, his eyes locked firmly on the road, the emerald orbs dancing with mirth. I hit his arm playfully, shifting around in my seat to stare back out the window and into the darkness.

"Does not," I murmured back, and he only laughed harder at my denial. "Well, if he has my impatience, he has your stubbornness," I said, but I realized how childish I was being and laughed. He was looking at our son through the rear-view mirror, making faces at him.

"Yes, Bells," he laughed, his musical laughter harmonizing wonderfully with my son's giggles. "We've obviously created a monster."

"Rawr!" Josh supplied helpfully. "I'm a big, mean MONSTA!"

We all shared a laugh as Josh continued to roar and growl playfully. As we settled down, Josh yawned again. "How much long'a, Daddy?"

"Only another hour or so, Josh," my husband said quietly, winking at Josh before bringing his attention back to the road. His smile grew as Josh let out a little moan of disbelief.

"A whole 'notha hour?" He smacked his little fists into the leather seat, jutting out his lower lip into a pout. I melted at the sight; he must get that from his father, too. The ability to make my heart stop with a single look.

"Why don't you try sleeping?" I offered although I knew it was a futile attempt.

"I dun wanna," he slurred, rubbing his eyes in protest. He brightened visibly as a new idea bounced into his head. Edward and I shared a knowing look, even before our son whispered those dreaded words: "Can we listen to da Wiggles?"

I couldn't help myself; I groaned. As much as I loved my son--as much as _any _mother could _ever _love their son--the Wiggles were a completely different story. It didn't help that Josh listened to it enough times a day that it should be illegal. I contemplated my choices; I could either play the stupid CD and suffer from the annoyance or I could not play the CD and suffer from my son's despair. With a sigh, I reached forward and pressed the "POWER" button on the radio, and changed the CD back to the Wiggles. It was almost painful to replace my favorite CD with... _them_. The tune of "Big Red Car" softly began to play, and Edward had raised the volume before the request could even form on Josh's lips. With a sigh, I once more adjusted my position and began to stare into the dark night.

"Riding in our Big Red Car!" Josh sang to the music, and my husband and I shared a chuckle at his eagerness. I turned back to smile at him, only to find him bouncing on the back seat, his seat belt unbuckled. He was wiggling to the music, pumping his arms into the air. He was kicking his feet out and bopping his head to the beat. "Riding in our big red car, Mommy!" he crooned to me, his eyes dancing as much as his body was. As beautiful as it was, painful memories snuck up on me all too quickly.

"Josh, settle down--put your seat belt back on!" I said quickly, reaching to grab him. He shook his head, wiggling out of my grasp as he continued to sing with his favorite band. "_Joshua Charles Masen_--you put your seat belt back on!" My fingers had barely grazed his shoulders before he hadcatapulted himself across the backseat.

He stuck out his tongue jokingly before pleading,"No, Mommy! It hurst me. The sea'bel' hurts, Mommy!" He began to pout again, "Besides, Mommy, I'm _dancing_!" He giggled at me, his eyes twinkling in the dim light. I was losing this battle, as he continued to hop from one side of the car to the other whenever my hands got too close. I turned to my husband warily, and Edward looked at me. He quickly jerked his head towards our son:

"Joshua, do as your mother has asked you--"

"No!" Josh whined. "I've been sittin' still for-_ever_, and now I wanna dance!" He moved around in his seat a bit more, "'Sides, we're almost der, Daddy, puh-lease!"

"Joshua, get back in your seat, or I'll have t--"

"NO!" He said louder before he began to sing with the song again.

I angrily shut off the music, turning back to my son.

"Put it back on!" He whined, his bright green eyes filling up with tears. "Pweas, Mommy, put it back on!" My heart broke and my resolve was slowly chiseling away. Maybe it would be alright for just a li--

"We will Josh." Edward's attention was back to the road, but he was still looking at the little boy through the rear-view mirror, "if you put your seat belt back on and promise not to take it off."

"Are we _there _yet?" Josh asked again with a huff, crossing his tiny arms across his chest.

I sighed. "Not yet, Josh, please--just do as I ask--"

"I dun wanna!" he whined, and I knew the late hour was gaining up on him.His eyes were growing heavier, but he was as stubborn as ever. As I reached back to grab him, he once more bounced to the other side of the car, his arms firmly locked in from of his chest. I sighed and gave up. We had to be only a few miles away from the city limits. There wasn't another car in sight.

I glanced at my husband and reached for his hand, offering him a reassuring squeeze; Edward was losing his patience. I could tell from his stiff position behind the wheel. He jerked around again quickly and snapped at our son:

"Josh, don't you make me pull this car over and get your carseat ou--"

"EDWARD, LOOK OUT!"

My life barely had time to flash before my eyes before the giant red car barreled into us.

* * *

_Thanks for reading!_

_Liked it? Hated it? Let me have it-- in a review! _


	2. Unwell

**Disclaimer: I do not own the song used for this chapter. It's Unwell, by Matchbox 20.**

**Author's Note:** Thank you, thank you, thank you for your wonderful reviews. I liked to see your theories-- though I'm sure one of them was a joke?-- and all I can say is... time will tell.

I'm going to _attempt_ weekly updates. Since these chapters are relatively shorter than my other stories, that should be easy. The tricky part will be keeping up with all three at once. So, please be patient if weekly turns out to be harder than I think it will be.

Anyways-- enjoy!_

* * *

_

Frostbite  
Chapter Two: Unwell

_Hold on  
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a  
Breakdown  
I don't know why  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know, right now you can't tell  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
I know, right now you don't care  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be  
Me_  


* * *

I had never died before, but if I had to pinpoint what dying would feel like, it would be how I felt the moment after I registered the fact that a large, red Jeep had come out of nowhere and slammed into my husband's precious car. _Edward is going to be so angry_..._ he loves that damn car..._

But thinking hurt, and so I tried to stop the constant flow of fears, thoughts, and dreams that were swirling around my aching head. It felt like someone had put a sandbang on my forehead, and that they were slowly filling it with cement. I attempted to open my eyes, but it hurt too much. Knives were stabbing me in every possibly place one moment, the next I was burning, and sometimes it would stop all together and my mind would go black.

The voices didn't help much, either. They were rushed and shouting--one over top of the other--

"We're loosing h--"

"--lost so much bl--"

"--stop the bleeding--"

"--ead trauma, she'll nee--"

"--thing... lost her--"

They were fading, now, and the sirens were becoming painfully obvious. Josh always liked sirens; he wanted to be a firefighter when he grew up. I tried to smile faintly at the memory, but my face was frozen in a grimace. The pain was dulling, my vision was blurring, and everything seemed to fade to white...

Suddenly, I was at my mother's apartment. She was screaming into the phone, as I sat in my high chair, the applesauce in front of me untouched.

"Charlie-- we talked about this--" my father's voice cut her off-- the father I had never known... the father who hadn't wanted to know me. "--you agreed! Life would be easier if you could just forget us!" She took a deep breath, "That's what you wanted-- wasn't it? I offered you custody--" He cut her off again. She sank into the floor, clutching at the phone.

"Mama--" My voice was childlike as the memory kept coming, the pain in my chest tightening as I called out to my mother, "--Mama, please... dun cry... dun cry, Mama..."

It was pathetic, really... She couldn't hear me. "No, Charlie... I can't do that... I won't do that to her..." She looked at me, wiping anxiously at the tears falling down her cheeks. "She doesn't deserve it, Charlie-- I can't put her through that-- CHARLIE!" She bellowed into the phone, "If she wants to visit you when she turns eighteen-- Charlie..." She was losing the battle, and we both knew it. "Fine, Charlie-- she'll come visit you for a week this summer-- take it or leave it--" he cut her off again, and I could see her trying to control her voice as he bit back in, "Charlie, that's all I'm going to gi--"

But as she kept going, yelling into the phone at my father, the scene before me faded to black and white, while the sound suddenly stopped. I watched, helplessly, as my mother mimed the argument, flinging her arms in frustration as she continued to argue. I opened my mouth to call out her name one more time-- to know that I could still speak-- when the memory completely shifted, and I was sitting in Edward's dorm room, crying.

"Bella," Edward soothed, stroking my hair gently. "I'm so sorry-- I'm so, so sorry..." I tried to stop the tears-- _what the hell was wrong with me?_ -- but they just kept coming, as did Edward's kind words. "Your parents... they'll get over it. You'll see..."

"They won't, Edward, they won't!" I cried, burying my face in his chest. I subconsciously twisted the ring around my finger, the diamond glittering in the light. The refelection made the tears come faster, and he held me, letting me cry. "They hate me."

"They hate _me_," he clarified, pulling my chin up to look at him. He began to talk again, but it went oddly silent like my last memory, his beautiful eyes fading to a dull gray as the environment around me went to black and white.

What was going on? I heard that your life flashes before your eyes before you die-- but this was cruel. Only the painful memories could be replayed before I passed on into the next life? Was this some way of telling me that I had been a bad person-- a horrible human being-- what kind of punishment was this?

I didn't have time to ponder it before the next scene materialized before my very eyes.

"Push, Bella-- push," the doctor coaxed, standing at the end of my bed. Edward was holding onto my hand, his eyes trained on me.

"You can do it, love," he urged, and I grimaced as another contraction hit.

"Hurts. So. Bad." I groaned, feeling the pain over take my body.

"It's okay, Bella, reall--"

"CLEAR!"

"--just keep breathing, ready, count with--"

"CLEAR!"

"--one more sweetheart--"

"_CLEAR_!"

The pain was rushing back to me as Edward disappeared. I faintly heard the sounds of Josh's first cry as the world came tumbling down into my lap. "Ah!" I cried out, thrashing as the pain overtook me. "Make-- it... _ah_!--" I couldn't continue, my hands attempting to fly to my face. Tears were pouring out of my eyes; the salt was burning the cuts so evident on my face. "Stop!" I cried, finishing my sentence. "Sto-- Edward, Edward, please..." I muttered over and over...

"Doctor, we've got to do something," the voice sounded so far away, yet at the same time it was right in my ear. "We won't be able to save her if she keeps thrashing like this--"

"I don't want to sedate her," a crisp, methodical voice broke over. I faintly registered that I was moving-- lying down on a bed, but moving quickly... being rushed-- "not after loosing her in the ambulance like that. Give her something for the pain--"

"Doctor, come quick-- we're losing him!" Another voice shouted. Him? Who was it-- _Edward_? My stomach dropped to my feet, and the pain seemed to multiply.

"Help... him... _please_," I murmured, not sure if I had actually made a sound. My heart stopped as another thought crossed my mind. "Josh..."

"Shh," the nurse attempted to be soothing, but I was in hysterics now. I felt this dulling feeling sweep over me; she had injected some sort of medication into me. I hadn't felt the prick... oh, I hated needles--

"_Josh_," I tried again, my voice nothing more than a whisper.

"Oh, sweetheart," the nurse lamented, her careful fingers moving to undo my clothes. I moaned in protest.

"Edward... Edward, please," I tried to open my eyes, but they were so heavy... so tired... A beeping noise that was next to me started to speed up. "Josh... pl--" I couldn't finish, my heart was racing. Breathing became a task, in through the nose, out through the mouth... Ready? 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6--

"Oh, God! Doctor-- Doctor, hurry up!"

Their conversation became garbled as too many sets of hands began their work on me again-- one was checking for a pulse, another set was unbuttoning my shirt, and the third was beginning CPR.

For what--? I was fine...

Merely.

Sleeping...

* * *

**Sunday**

* * *

**Monday**

* * *

**Tuesday**

* * *

"Oh, thank God."

I gasped, squeezing my eyes shut before opening them hazily. I tried to find the sound of the voice that had startled me out of sleeping, but there was no one in the room. I squinted; the room was a bit too bright for my tastes. And... _green_. Green walls, green chairs, green sheets-- I attempted to raise a hand to block the glaring light of the florescent lights from my eyes, but my one arm was in a brace, and the other was heavily bandaged.

"Where... am I?" My throat was sore-- torn up, as if I hadn't talked in years. I vaguely remembered that I was hungry; I was in such a haze, I couldn't remember much of anything. Suddenly, the glass was in front of my face, the edge pressed to my chapped lips.

"Nice and slow," a soothing voice said; he sounded tired, and... anxious? I licked my lips to separate them--they were so dry, they were stuck together. The water felt like ice as it ran down my throat, but I relished in it. I was burning up. "Not too much... I don't want you throwing it up, now," the voice was unbelievably calming. I sighed, resting my head back, closing my eyes.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Mrs. Masen," he said politely. I felt him sit on the edge of the bed. "It's good to finally see you awake."

I didn't want to open my eyes, but I was confused by his statement. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Three days..." I must have looked rather shocked, because he quickly interjected, "we kept you sedated for a while... after we knew you were strong enough, and that the concussion wasn't so bad."

"Concussion?" I gasped, and he nodded solemnly.

"You... were lucky, though," he said softly, his eyes filling with an emotion that I didn't want to see. I hate pity-- I despise sympathy-- why was he being sympathetic?

"L-lucky?" I stuttered, attempting to sit up straighter. He motioned for me to calm down, moving further down the bed.

"Mrs. Masen, I don't want to tell you this until I know you're ready--"

"Tell me what?" If he was trying to keep me from going into hysterics, he was failing. "Is it Edward--? Josh--? Am I dying--? Are they-- oh, God -- are they alright?"

"Mrs. Masen, please," the doctor tried again, looking anxiously at the heart monitor stationed next to me. My heart was racing-- I couldn't breathe. What happened to my family? My wonderful, perfect family? We had been so happy... _so happy_... "Mrs. Masen, if you don't calm down, I'm going to have to--"

"Please, sir, just tell me!" I cried, reaching out to grab him-- to prevent him from leaving. The pain began to slowly come back, the wonderful haze the morphine had kept me in was wearing off. I gasped, clutching at my chest. Who was stabbing my heart like that?

"Mrs. Masen, I will tell you once you calm down," he said slowly, carefully. He dodged my grasp and moved towards a cabinet in the corner of the room. He took out a key and unlocked the door. He pulled out a syringe and came back to me. "Are you in pain?" He asked a redundant question. I closed my eyes and grimaced against the aching of my bones. He grabbed my arm to inject the shot, but I jumped. "Cold hands; doctor's curse," he muttered, grinning to himself. He sobered up and injected the medicine into my arm. "You'll feel better-- just take deep breaths." He began to over-exaggerate his own breathing, expecting me to copy. I wanted to tell him I wasn't five years old, but I just did as I was told. When my heart calmed, and the pain dulled, I stared at him expectantly.

"Why am I lucky, Doctor...?"

"Oh, excuse me," he seemed bashful, then, and I smiled. He smiled back, patting my less damaged hand. "My name is Doctor Cullen, Mrs. Masen. I will be taking care of you."

"Thank you, Doctor Cullen," I smiled, nodding my head. I was barely able to grasp that this was my husband's future boss. I acknowledged it with another nod, before I began to worry once more: "Now... why am I the lucky one, here?"

"The others in the accident... weren't so," he said softly, sitting back down on my bed. My heart stopped.

"You mean... in the other car?" I held my breath, wishing with everything in my body that it was the others-- it wasn't my son, my husband. Our happily ever after was just within our grasp--

"No--" my world came crashing down with that one, simple word. "--I'm afraid not."

"Who?" My mouth barely made a noise; the word was merely a whisper on my lips. It didn't need to be said, though. Doctor Cullen's face softened at my pain. He reached out, as if to place his hand on top of mine, but stopped, thinking better of it.

"Your husband-- Edward," he sighed, looking towards the door, "--is in a coma. The car hit his side head-on." He gestured with his hands, demonstrating the movement. "He's suffered many fractures-- broken ribs, broken leg... but his head injuries... that's what we believe put him where he is." He sighed, turning back to look at me. "The... MRI showed a lot of damage," the pity was returning to his eyes, "we're not sure how much is permanent." I sucked in a deep breath. So I _was_ lucky, in that sense.

"Is he... _responsive_?" The words made bile build up in my throat; the thought of my Edward-- my sweet, loving Edward-- so still, not moving... It made me tremble to think that there wasn't a chance-- _No_. _There's always a chance._

"A little, Mrs. Masen," Doctor Cullen said softly. "But he's barely hanging on." He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he must have seen the look of pain cross my face again. "_Breathe_, Mrs. Masen."

I took a deep breath, letting it out through my mouth. Dread began to fill me again, as I looked into the Doctor's eyes. "And... Josh--?"

He took a deep breath, and this time he covered his hand with mine. Giving it a gentle squeeze, he sighed. "I'm... sorry, Mrs. Masen... Josh didn't make it."

The world stopped spinning on its axis, and the unvierse stopped dead in its orbit. The birds stopped singing, and the fished stopped swimming. The sun fell out of the sky, and the moon ate all of the stars-- my world, my beautiful, perfect little world --came to a screeching halt with those four, tiny little words. "No," I moaned. "No-no-no-_no_," I began to mutter, lifting my heavy arms and crashing my hands against my ears. I wanted to rock myself to sleep, I wanted to curl up into a ball and die, I wanted to--

"Mrs. Masen--_ Mrs. Masen_!" Doctor Cullen shouted, grabbing at my arms. I flinched at his cold grasp, wanting to be gone. I wanted to follow my son-- to find him, wherever he was, hug him to myself, and convince myself that everything would be okay. Convince him that everything would be okay-- _Everything was going to be okay_...

"Mrs. Masen, calm down!" Doctor Cullen began to mutter under his breath-- profanities, I thought. I couldn't focus. His voice was a million miles away. Oh, my baby... Oh, my poor, poor baby...

First Edward, then Josh-- God had a sick sense of humor... a sick, horrible sense of humor that I had yet to appreciate. I didn't appreciate it in that moment. He took away my only child-- my prince... my baby, my baby boy...

And Edward! Edward was lying in a hospital bed, none-the-wiser, 'barely holding on'. Was I going to lose everything I ever held dear to me in the course of one day--? Three days, Doctor Cullen had said, since the accident, so... a week. I was going to lose everything within the span of one week... seven days-- _seven stupid, little days of torture_... absolute--

"Mrs. Masen, breathe with me," Doctor Cullen demanded of me again, both hands now pressed firmly into my shoulders. I looked up into his face as if seeing him for the first time. This wasn't the Doctor that had just told me my family was disappearing faster than beach sand in the palm of my hand. He was-- angelic, peaceful, really, as he continued to shout at me. "Follow my lead, Mrs. Masen-- Nurse!" He called distractedly, before his eyes met mine. In through the nose-- out through the mouth--

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

It became easier, and soon my heart slowed, and Doctor Cullen relaxed. That is, until my heavy breathing became sobs. My body wracked as my heart exploded. "Oh, no, no, no," I whimpered pathetically, the bandages on my hands soaking up my tears as I wailed. "Please, God-- not Josh," I shook my head, determined. "It... it can't be true," I managed to mumble pathetically.

"In and out," he soothed, his hand on my shoulder. "Please, Mrs. Masen, just in and out... slow, now," his voice was comforting, if only a little. "It'll be all right, Mrs. Masen," I wanted to believe him... Could I? My husband... nonresponsive-- my little boy, dead.

"The-the driver," I muttered, looking up at him. "In the other car--" I stopped my crying, wiping my face pathetically. "--is he--?"

"Alive? Yes..." Doctor Cullen sounded bitter, almost resentful. "He... had been drunk, Mrs. Masen. Nearly double over the legal limit," he said softly. "He didn't have his lights on-- I'm so sorry..."

"Is he-- _okay_?" I stressed, needing to know. Was there a God at all?

"He was able to walk away from the accident entirely," Doctor Cullen nodded. "Barely a scratch."

As the sobs overtook me once more, and Doctor Cullen placed a hand on my shoulder, I knew... I just knew...

There could _never _be a God this cruel.

* * *

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	3. How Far We've Come

**Disclaimer:** Song is not mine, it's "How Far We've Come" by Matchbox 20.

**Author's Note: **This is still weekly, isn't it? Haha. Enjoy this chapter, it was really hard to write.

* * *

Frostbite  
Chapter Three: How Far We've Come

_I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world,  
but its feeling just like every other morning before,  
Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone,_

_..._

_But I believe the world is burning to the ground  
oh well I guess we're gonna find out  
let's see how far we've come  
let's see how far we've come  
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end  
oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,  
let's see how far we've come  
let's see how far we've come_

* * *

"Is there anyone I can call for you, Mrs. Masen?" A nurse asked me after Doctor Cullen left. She had a kind face, but the sympathy in her eyes made me flinch at her appearance. I sniffed, shaking my head slowly. "What about for your husband, surely--"

"No," I said numbly, my voice thick with the aftermath of my tears, and the new flood of emotion that was filling my body to the core. "Neither one of us has family." It wasn't a total lie; his parents were dead, and... I was dead to my parents. The nurse's eyes filled with more sympathy, and she moved to come "check out my chart". I knew she just wanted to be closer; to watch the pain flash across my face. Maybe she was hoping that if she stayed, I'd spill my guts.

I wasn't sorry that I was disappointing yet another person. I settled back into my bed, closing my eyes. I wanted to sleep forever-- I wanted to be able to escape to my dreams. At least there everything wasn't as painful-- at least in my dreams, my baby boy was alive, and that stupid drunkard wasn't there to ruin it. I heard the nurse leave, and the door closed. I was alone, again. All by myself--

"Mrs. Masen?"

_When the hell did Doctor Cullen walk into the room?_ He really shouldn't sneak up on a person like that-- apparently, I was prone to heart attacks, as of late. I opened my eyes warily, seeing him leaning over me. When he noticed I was awake, he leaned back, offering me a smile. "Yes?" I attempted to sound polite, but I failed something miserably. I sounded pathetic-- torn apart. I bit my lip and waited. He took a deep breath.

"There's no family for us to call?" He asked the same question the nurse asked, but I could hear the burning curiosity in his voice. I shook my head, closing my eyes again. "No other emergency contacts?" He pressed.

"None," I said quietly, now refusing to open my eyes. The pity was radiating off of him.

"Mrs. Masen..." He seemed to struggle to find the words. He sat at the edge of my bed again. "...funeral arrangements need to be... decided," I knew he was trying to be gentle, but it was much too soon... Images of burying my little boy blasted before my eyes-- I had to open them; I needed to escape that kind of torture.

"I'm hardly well enough to--"

"I know," he said calmly, nodding his head. "...normally, the family or the emergency contact would be of help," he said softly, looking away from me. "...You won't be able to leave for another day or two, and... well," he looked back at me with a rather quizzical look about his gorgeous features. I couldn't place a finger on the exact emotion-- there was something going on behind his eyes. "Would you like for me to take care of it?"

"E-excuse me?" I breathed, taken aback, slightly. I wasn't offended-- I knew he had good intentions in his heart-- I just... wasn't prepared for _that_. I wasn't used to strangers trying to help me, and I was definitely not used to someone speaking of death and funerals so frankly. Doctor Cullen seemed almost ancient as he stared at me, waiting patiently for my response. He wasn't going to repeat himself-- and I didn't want him to. "You'd do that--?" He merely nodded. I assumed he didn't want to attempt to sway me either way. I contemplated things for a moment. "Why?"

"Mrs. Masen," he said gently, offering me a calming smile, "I know that everything I've told you today is rather difficult to digest... and my main concern is keeping you healthy... Arranging your son's funeral... would only be a tax to your health," of course-- this was only a business transaction. As much as I wanted to believe that Doctor Cullen was just a wonderfully compassionate person, he was really only concerned about his job-- keeping me healthy. Added stress would probably hinge on that, and I'm sure he didn't want to add another death to his list in only a few short days.

As he continued to speak to me about things I shouldn't be doing once they released me in a few days, I zoned out-- shocked. Had I really just casually mentioned my son's death as a statistic? I felt like I was going to be sick...

Doctor Cullen was there in an instant, the waste can at just the right position, so that when I emptied my stomach's contents, I didn't make a mess. I dry heaved for a few minutes, before I collasped again, my ribs on fire. "Sorry," I moaned, my voice sounding distant again. He shook his head.

"The medication has a nausea side-effect," he shrugged it off quickly. He was watching me carefully. "...you don't have to decide now, Mrs. Masen, but-- everything needs to be taken care of soon--"

"Can I see Edward?"

The question had caught him so off-gaurd, that he had to collect himself before answering me. "Do you really want to do that, Mrs. Masen?" It was a cautious question; he was avoiding truly answering me.

"Is... is there any way...?"

"I suppose we could always transport you to his room... you could share it with him if you wanted..." he mused to himself, and I clung to his words. "But... Mrs. Masen--"

"Doctor Cullen, honestly-- you're making me feel old," I sighed. His use of my formal name had been bothering me earlier, but I had other things on my mind. I really only liked it when Edward called me Mrs. Masen, everyone else just knew me as Bella. So should my doctor. "Please call me Bella."

"Alright," he agreed, nodding his head. "Bella," he seemed to be testing the name out as he continued to watch me carefully, "I don't believe that would be a good idea."

"Why not?" I protested, pushing myself into a seated position.

"Bella--" he stopped, reconsidering how to phrase it. What was he keeping from me?

"What's wrong--? Did he--"

"No, no, no," he was quick to dismiss my fears. "Heavens no-- Edward is alive, for now."

I didn't like the way those two little words had been so quickly tacked on to that sentence. I pushed myself up further, wanting to be level with Doctor Cullen. It was only fair. "What do you mean _for now_?"

"Bella--" he broke off into a sigh, his eyes seeming troubled as he searched for his words "--Edward... Edward will not hold on for much longer." He took my hand in his again, trying to keep my eyes on his as he spoke again, "We don't believe he's going to make it past these next couple of days..."

It took a few moments to register what the doctor was attempting to tell me. Edward would be dead in just a few days. Edward would be out of my life, too, and just as quickly as Josh was. I kept staring at Doctor Cullen, watching him as he watched me absorb his information. He sounded so sincere, as if this was the only way things could turn out. But there was another way--there is always another way--and I clung to that idea like it was the only thing keeping me alive. It was the only thing keeping me alive.

I mean, Edward has always pulled through, even when I thought he wouldn't. He had been a constant at my side since we had met; he never let anything stop him. He always sort of... kept going. Surely this would be no different. Edward would fight whatever it was that was ailing him. He would pull through like all those other times.

He just had to.

I focused back on Doctor Cullen's face and offered him a small, forced smile. "Can-- can I please see him?"

"Tomorrow, Bella," he promised me, standing up from my bed with a frustrated sigh. "I'll release you tomorrow, and I promise you can see him." He pulled out my medicine--the painkillers that made me so drowsy, I fell asleep nearly immediately. As he moved towards my arm, to place the shot into the IV, I grabbed his arm with my other hand.

"Doctor Cullen?" My voice was so quiet, I barely heard it myself. I needed to say this. I needed him to promise me... "Please, do everything you can to save him," my voice cracked on the last word, my eyes were blurring with tears again. "He-- Edward's all I have left," I sounded so pathetic, my tiny little voice breaking with all the emotions I was feeling. "Please."

He seemed hesitant in his response, staring at me for a long time, as if trying to decipher a hidden meaning in my words. Finally, he wordlessly nodded, moving to inject my medicine again.

"Promise me," I said, grabbing at his arm again. I jerked my hand back quickly to wipe at my face. I needed to see him clearly, I needed to see his promise as much as I needed to hear it. "Promise me you will do whatever you can to save him."

Again, he was hesitant, and that bothered me more. Finally, he whispered so quietly, I wouldn't have heard it if I wasn't hanging on his every breath:

"I promise."

* * *

Doctor Cullen had released me at about noon the next day. They had taken off the bandages on my one arm, as the cuts had been healed. My left arm was still in a cast, as was my right leg, which had also been fractured in the crash. As Doctor Cullen had so blatantly told me; I was lucky. I just didn't realize how lucky I was until I saw Edward for the first time.

I stopped breathing when they had wheeled me into his room. He looked so... _frail_. So easily breakable that I knew that I was in the wrong room. If it wasn't for that beautiful hair of his, I would have never recognized him. His face seemed sunken in, there were horrible dark circles under his eyes, and there were too many things attatched to him. Machines whirred and beeped around us as I sat there, watching him sleep. He wasn't peaceful, but he wasn't in pain either. There was this horrible look of nothingness on his face, and it was unsettling to me.

I reached forward and grasped his hand in mine. It was so... still. So absolutely still that it made me jump in surprise. Where was his soft squeeze of reassurance? Where was that ever persistant thumb, rubbing calming circles into the back of my hand? _Where was my husband?_

I didn't notice the tears coming down my face until someone was holding a tissue before my eyes. I really only noticed because I could no longer see Edward. I moaned pitifully, grabbing it quickly and blowing my nose. I swatted at my face with my hand, pathetically attempting to wipe away the evidence of my tears. I nodded my thanks to the nurse who had come to check on my husband. She did her job silently, understanding that I didn't want to talk.

The reason I didn't want to talk wasn't because of Edward. Not in the... _obvious_ way, anyway. I didn't want to talk because I was afraid of what I'd say if I did. I was afraid of the string of words I would carefully choose to describe the man who had done this to my family. I was afraid of the horrible, terrible things I would wish upon him for tearing me apart like this. I was afraid of the force of my words as I would curse him to the next dimension.

How could he be so stupid? So horribly and incredibly stupid that he thought that driving drunk would be okay? So stupid to think that there wasn't even the possibility that someone could get hurt? Would it have been so hard to call a cab? To call a friend to pick him up? For the bartender to take away his keys? For someone to see him going out of the bar-- to stand up and tell him not to drive--? How hard was it? How come the entire world had been replaced with mo--

"I told you this was going to be hard, Bella."

Doctor Cullen was one quiet man. I didn't jump nearly as high as I normally do, but my emotions were to blame. He handed me another tissue, which I quickly used and disposed of. I attempted to collect myself--to have some sort of integrety around him-- but I failed miserably. If anything, his presence only made my emotions worse. He pulled a chair up to sit beside me, not saying anything else as I watched my husband breathe. Actually, I watched three different machines breathe _for him._

"H-he's... go-go-going to p-p... pull through," my words were shaky, and my vision was blurred. I squeezed my husband's hand, waiting for a response. I was going to get one. He would squeeze my hand back when he was ready, and not a moment sooner. His body just needs the extra rest-- he's going to get better-- _he has to get better_--

"Bella," Doctor Cullen's voice was irritating now, the pity was suffocating. I wrapped my free arm around me as best I could; the cast made it a little more than difficult. I was trying to hold myself together, literally and otherwise. "Edward's chances are slim--"

"But... n-not entirely... nonexistant," I whispered back, shutting my eyes as more tears began to fall. I needed to stop crying, if I was going to convince anyone, including myself. I willed the tears away, but they only came harder and faster down my face. Stupid, stupid, stupid--

"I hate him," I muttered suddenly, opening my eyes and searching out Doctor Cullen's. "I hate that man for doing this to me-- to my family... to my little boy. _I hate him." _He stared at me for a long time, wondering if I wanted him to reply, before he mutely nodded, accepting my words. I bit my lip, turning back to my husband with a sigh. "I-I..." I couldn't think of what to say, how I was supposed to follow up such a vehement little rant, but something needed to be said. The silence made the beeping that much more apparent. The whirring of the breathing machine made me nauseous. "He's going to pull through." I stated firmly, happy now that the tears were no longer streaming down my face. I wiped away at the drying tracks with the sleeve of my hospital robe. "He's going to be just fine."

He got up, suddenly, as if he didn't want to have to tell me that I was wrong. I almost smiled triumphantly, smelling victory. _Almost_. Instead, I squeezed Edward's hand again. Doctor Cullen was suddenly at Edward's side, opening up his eyes-- they were so vacant-- and shining a light into them. Checking out his breathing and heartbeat. Taking notes of the amounts of fluids coming in and out of my husband. He took blood, suddenly, pocketing it in his lab coat to run for tests. He suddenly went from my shoulder to cry on to Doctor in less time it takes a person to blink. "No improvements," he murmered to himself, but I heard it anyway. I just chose to ignore it.

_Not yet_, my mind reminded me. _Not yet_.

* * *

_Loved it? Hated it? Let me have it in a REVIEW!_


	4. Scattered

**Disclaimer:** "Scattered" belongs to Green Day. I just bow down to their amazing talent, and continue to worship the ground they walk on. xDD

**Author's Notes:** The response for last chapter was so amazing, I had to update as soon as possible, just for you guys! You should all know-- this chapter's length is double all the chapters that came before it. Also-- there are a couple of scenes that seem... out of place. Bella is telling the story to Carlisle, I just didn't want to have to put it all in quotes. It's very similar to the previous chapters, where she's reliving old memories...

Also! Charlie and Renee are... (slightly) out of character, but this story is AU. So, don't say I didn't warn you.

I really hope you enjoy it, and I'm sorry in advance (cliffies are a bitch, right?).

* * *

Frostbite  
Chapter Four: Scattered

_I've got some scattered pictures lying on my bedroom floor.  
Reminds me of the times we shared.  
Makes me wish that you were here.  
Now it seems I've forgotten my purpose in this life.  
All the songs have been erased.  
Guess I've learned from my mistakes._

_Open the past and present.  
Now and we are there.  
Story to tell and I am listening.  
Open the past and present.  
And the future too.  
It's all I've got and I'm giving it up to you._

* * *

Edward's condition grew steadily worse as the days passed. I could see his life leaving him bit by bit as the hours dragged on. Doctor Cullen gave the nurse strict orders to break any and all visitation rules so I could stay with him. Sometimes I'd talk to him, other times I'd cry for him, but mostly I sat in an uncomfortable arm chair, holding his hand and praying that he would just give me one squeeze of reassurance. One tiny little gesture to prove that he was okay. But day after day nothing changed, and I sat there with my all-too-still husband.

Doctor Cullen, true to his word, had made the funeral arrangements for Josh. It was a small ceremony--nothing special--where only myself and Doctor Cullen were in attendance. He had tried to press me for names--of neighbors we had known in Chicago, or long-distance family members who might have had an interest in being there for me. I refused him every time, not wanting to add any more stress than what I was already carrying on my shoulders. He gave me the space I was requesting, but I knew that his patience was wearing thin. Sooner or later I'd have to tell him... I was just counting on _later_.

I requested that Josh be cremated. I had no intentions of staying in Forks after Edward got better, and I wasn't about to leave my son there. We hadn't even crossed the threshold in our house, and already the bad memories were outweighing any and all possibilities of good memories. Edward and I would find the perfect place to lay our little boy to rest, and that had been the end of any discussions I was to have with Doctor Cullen about my son. He had seemed hesitant, once more reminding me that there was a chance that Edward wasn't going to make it-- a chance that was growing larger in the odds as each hour passed-- but had respected my decision again. He hasn't brought up Josh since he had handed me the urn with his ashes. I had placed it on Edward's bedside table.

Doctor Cullen never seemed to leave the hospital; when he wasn't actually adiministering to patients, he was sitting in the chair next to me, talking to me quietly about unimportant things. He seemed to be especially concerned with Edward's case. He was running more tests than I had ever thought were available; Edward had daily MRIs and CAT scans, blood was being taken daily for testings, and his vitals were checked every fifteen minutes. Doctor Cullen was keeping his promise; he was doing everything in his power to make Edward better.

It just didn't seem to be _working_.

"Bella," Doctor Cullen had started one day, after taking up his usual perch beside me. He relaxed into the chair, obviously tired from his day at work. "...he's not improving."

"He will," I stated adamantly, squeezing Edward's hand. "He's trying to make me worried. He was always such a dramatic person, you know?" I said softly, smiling. "Always wanted to be the center of attention..." I shook my head, leaning down to kiss Edward's knuckles in the way he had always kissed mine.

"Bella," Doctor Cullen attempted again. "Really-- there's nothing more we can do for him besides... make him as comfortable as possible for when he--"

"Don't. Say. It," I hissed, snapping my head to glare at him. "Don't even _think_ it. Edward is going to make it, Doctor Cullen. He wouldn't leave me. _Not like this_." I turned back to stare at my husband, the unsettling blank look on his face seemed even more blank. The circles under his eyes were growing; he was getting paler, and his face was sinking in further. Still-- there was always hope.

Doctor Cullen seemed to be having an internal battle with himself for a while, before he said quietly, "Tell me about your families."

"Excuse me?" I pretended to have misunderstood him. Anything to keep from actually having to tell him.

"Bella," he said softly, his voice calming. "Please."

I didn't understand how that could be of any importance to him, but I decided that he was most likely attempting to distract me from more pressing matters. I took a deep breath and sighed. "His parents-- Edward Sr. and Elizabeth-- are dead."

"How did they die?" He asked, genuinely interested and concerned. I bit my lip.

"His father died from lung cancer when we were first married," it was painful to think about, yet here I was speaking of it, "we didn't even got the chance to tell him we were married..."

"What do you mean--?"

"Edward and I eloped... why don't I just tell you the whole story?" I sighed, squeezing Edward's hand once more for reassurance. Doctor Cullen didn't say anything, so I took a deep breath and started at the very beginning:

"Edward and I met by chance at college... I was inbetween majors, and he just wanted to take a class that wasn't related to his Medical Degree. We ended up sitting next to each other in Creative Writing, and we didn't get along at first. He was so dead-set on his career choice that he figured any and all relationships would only get in the way, and I didn't appreciate his... well, arrogance," I chuckled to myself, shifting in my chair. The leg in my cast was itchy, but I really couldn't worry about that, now. "It wasn't until the short story section did we start to become friends, and we started dating after the poetry section," I could feel my cheeks heating up, but I refused to meet Doctor Cullen's eye. "That was in our freshman year...

"We dated on and off for the next three years; the only time we were ever 'off' was when school and our relationship got to be too stressful for him," I squeezed his hand again, "I understood, and we took a break... by the time our junior year came around, those breaks were few and far between, until they stopped altogether-- we were inseperable. At the time, we knew how inevitable it was, so it wasn't that big of a shock when he proposed to me...

"Despite how I felt about marriage... I-I felt safe knowing that Edward was the person I would be willing to take that chance with. There was something so strong about our relationship that I knew we would be together forever, ring or no ring... I knew he only wanted to make it official-- that he really only wanted everyone to know that I was officially his forever... and that made my choice easier, too...

"Telling our parents... that was a completely different story... My... Renee and Charlie's relationship was not the best example of how a happy marriage should be," I began to twist the ring on my finger again, my eyes never leaving Edward's face. I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up breaking his hand; I was holding onto it that tightly. "My mother walked out on him when I was an infant... I didn't see him until I was about five-years-old, and even then, it was brief. He never got over it, you know, despite knowing how many other men my mother had seen over the years... So... One night, Edward convinced me that we should tell them," I took a deep breath, willing the tears to just go away. I squeezed my eyes shut and took in another shuddering gasp as I tried to control my emotions. I stopped twisting my ring and brought my free hand to my face, burying my head in it.

After all these years, they shouldn't have this effect on me. I shouldn't break down into a horrible mess every time I think about them; and I especially shouldn't have to break down now without Edward being well enough to hold me in his arms and tell me everything was going to be okay. I squeezed Edward's hand again, sure that I was giving him a bruise. I flinched as I felt a cold hand make contact with my shoulder, but I realized that was Doctor Cullen's way of comforting me. I thanked him silently with a nod of my head, wiping the tears off of my face. "We-we called them, together... Charlie first. We thought... since, he-he only saw me once a year, that-that he would take it all right..." The memory was flashing through my mind again, just as it had done only a few days ago. This time, though, I remembered everything, and it started playing out as if I was watching it on a high definition television...

* * *

Edward and I were sitting on his bed, my cell phone open in front of me. He was rubbing soothing circles into my back, whispering words of encouragment. I barely heard him, my fingers shaking as I dialed Charlie's number. "It'll be okay, Bells... he loves you, you know, he'll want to see you happ--"

"Hello?" Charlie's voice was gruff and uneasy. I wondered, vaguely, if I had woken him up.

"Hi... Dad," I whispered, but Edward nudged me. 'Louder', he mouthed. I sighed. "Hi, Dad," my voice was louder, yes, but not steadier.

"Bella?" I heard rustling on the other end of the line. I grasped Edward's hand in mine, and he gave me a squeeze of encouragment, silently egging me on.

"Yeah, Dad, it's me."

"Oh," he said quietly, and his voice came out clearer-- as if he had sat up. I took a deep breath.

"We need to talk--" why did I say that? Nothing good ever comes after "we need to talk". Charlie seemed to know that, too.

"What's wrong?" His voice was urgent-- I heard more rustling. I looked to Edward, panicked. He motioned for me to give him the phone. I handed it to him silently, and he put the phone on speaker.

"Hi, Mr. Swan," he started off, politely.

"Edward?" Charlie questioned. "Where's Bella?"

"Right here, Dad... you're on speaker."

"Oh." I really didn't like his monosyllabic answers, but I suppose it was better than silence. "What's up?"

"Dad-- I... I mean... Edward and I... well, you see--"

"We're engaged, Charlie," Edward cut in, and I looked at him, horrified.

"You're-- you're _what_? Bella?"

"Engaged, Dad... Edward and I are getting married."

"No, you're not." That took us both by surprise. If anything, we had considered Charlie to be the easy parent. "No, not going to happen," he muttered, and I wondered if he had wanted us to hear that. "Not while I'm still alive and kickin'--"

"Dad... Edward and I are in love, and it just--"

"Bella, sometimes love just isn't enough."

We were quiet for a while, none of us wanting to comment further upon that. I looked at Edward silently, begging him to take this situation by the reigns and just... make it all go away. It was pathetic, and I knew it, but Edward always handled the ridiculously hard stuff. He excelled at stuff like this...

"Charlie--"

"Mr. Swan, Edward," Charlie snapped into the phone. I heard some doors slam and I wondered what he was doing.

"Mr. Swan," Edward corrected himself, sending a fleeting glance my way, "I understand where you are coming from--"

"Boy, you don't understand _anything_, you hear me?" Charlie was beyond angry at this point, and I didn't like it. "There is no way you could possibly understand what is going through my head right now-- Bella, are you pregnant?"

"No."

"Is he forcing you into this?"

"No, Da--"

"Then what other possible reason could you have for marrying him-- you're so young-- _too _young!"

"Dad, I--"

"You aren't thinking, obviously. Isn't this the same boy you told me about this past summer? The same boy who broke your heart more times than you'd like to count? What's to say he won't do it again-- force you on another 'break' just so he could get into some other girl's pants?"

"Dad, I--"

"Really, Bella, what makes you think he's not just going to leave you again?" There was more banging on the other end of the phone. "And, really, can you even _afford_ this marriage? You are going to have enough student loans to pay by yourself-- didn't you tell me he wanted to be a doctor?"

"Dad, really, I--"

"Didn't Renee teach you anything? Honestly, I thought all the time you spent with her and all of her... significant others would have taught you about the instability of love. Bella--"

"Charlie!" I shouted into the phone, taking it off of speaker phone before he did any more damage. I pushed myself out of Edward's arms and off of his bed. I crossed the room and began to pace as I slowly explained to my father, "I'm not asking for your permission-- and at this point I barely want your blessing. Edward and I are getting married, whether you want us to or not. I just thought that as my father, you should know."

"Do you really even consider me your father, Bella? What kind of father have I been, what with the one whole week I get to spend with you every year-- if that?" I stopped my pacing, my heart racing as he continued on, bitterly, "Perhaps you should just treat me as Renee has treated me all these years-- a sperm donor, and nothing more."

"Dad-- I--"

"Really, Bella, it's okay. Go, get married... make your own mistakes. Just don't expect me to walk you down the aisle."

And then, just as I was about to protest-- to order him to walk me down the aisle--the line went dead, and I collapsed on the groung, unable to take it anymore.

* * *

I looked at Doctor Cullen, his lips were pressed into a very thin line. I sighed, turning my eyes back to Edward's pale face. "Renee wasn't much better... it was pretty much the same thing-- Edward and I could get married, but I'd never be able to speak to either of my parents ever again.

"Edward's parents were ecstatic, of course-- I've never seen such loving people as his father and his mother. His father was battling lung cancer, at the time, which made things incredibly hard. Edward didn't want us to marry because he was so dead-set on me keeping my relationship with my parents, despite knowing how insignificant it was. Yet, at the same time, he wanted to get married before his father died...

"So, I gave him the idea that we could elope. It would be official for us and his parents, but if we didn't want to let my parents know, we didn't have to. Then, we could always have a full-blown wedding once my parents warmed up to the idea of our engagement. Edward wanted his parents to be there, of course, but his father took a turn for the worse and couldn't be there. His mother, as if sensing what was about to happen, refused to leave his side. My old roommate-- who I barely talked to-- was the witness to our 'wedding'. I think we both wore jeans and T-shirts... nothing fancy. We were on our way back to the hospital-- to tell his parents the good news... when we got the phone call...

"Edward's father had passed away that day, mere minutes after we had said our vows. The funeral was horribly unbearable; Elizabeth was so heart-broken..." I broke off, unable to finish as more tears began to fall, blurring my vision. "She was more of a mother to me than my own-- and Edward Senior... he was the father figure I-I suppose I never had either..." I wiped at my face again, determined to continue. "And Edward... Edward was so... _crushed_."

I didn't realize how long I was quiet until Doctor Cullen's hand squeezed my shoulder ever-so-gently. I turned to look at him, wondering what was wrong. "What happened next?" He whispered quietly, and I sighed.

"We kept our promise-- keeping our marriage a secret from my parents... when we visited, it was as if we were simply boyfriend and girlfriend. We never wore our rings-- not even the engagement band he had given me... This appeased Charlie and Renee for a while... until..." I took a deep breath, my eyes glancing, briefly, at the urn of ashes on my husband's bedside table. I bit my lip, hoping that would keep the tears at bay. I didn't want to have another breakdown. Not here... not now.

"I-I found out I was pregnant about a year after our secret wedding... we told Elizabeth first-- she was so, _happy_. It was as if this grandchild could possibly fill in the hole caused by her husband's death." I smiled, briefly, remembering the beautiful smile that would cross my mother-in-law's face any time she had seen me and my swelling belly. "She spoiled Josh before he was even born-- as soon as she found out the sex, she bought everything and anything that was blue..." I chuckled, remembering the large nursery filled with toys and blankets and clothes. It faded once I remembered the other side of the story.

"Of course, telling my parents was... a horrific experience. At first, they were angry because I was going to have a baby out of wedlock," I snorted, "which was odd, since neither of them were really that religious. I think it was more of the 'you're still too young' thing that carried over from our engagement... when I told them about the secret wedding, the fighting only intensified... until... until--"

"Yes, Bella?" Doctor Cullen urged.

"Until they completely disowned me."

* * *

My hand flew to my stomach as Edward and I approached the house. It was Thanksgiving, and we had been able to convince Charlie and Renee to fly out to Chicago so that my family and Edward's family could be together. I saw their rental cars in Elizabeth's driveway already, and my nerves were getting the best of me. Edward's hand squeezed mine in reassurance as he opened the door to his mother's house. "Mom, I'm home!" He called, his eyes searching for her. My breathing picked up as I heard Charlie's gruff voice coming from the dining room, and my heart nearly stopped at Renee's laughter.

"Elizabeth, you're so funny!" she was saying, laughing at some joke my mother-in-law had made. Edward squeezed my hand again.

"In the dining room, Edward!" Elizabeth called joyfully, coming to meet us at the door. "Oh, Bella-- you look lovely!"

"I look fat," I said shortly, and both Edward and his mother laughed.

"You look beautiful," his voice was in my ear, reassuring me. He kissed me on my sweet spot--right below my earlobe. I sucked in another quick breath. "Absolutely--" another kiss "--stunning." I blushed crimson as Elizabeth looked on adoringly.

"Come on, the turkey's getting cold!" She playfully scolded, ushering us into the room. My mother stood up and came to give me a hug.

"Oh, Bella," she gave me an awkward hug, not sure what to do about my massive stomach. She tenatively placed her hand on it, giving it a rub. I felt oddly like my stomach was some sort of magic eight-ball for her: 'Should I be happy for my daughter?' She jerked her hand away as if she had been burned, moving to take her spot across from Charlie.

The answer must have been, "Ask again later." I rolled my eyes, nodding at my father. He grunted in response, and Edward gave my hand a firm squeeze before he let go.

"Nice to see you again, Charlie," Edward said formally, extending his hand. Charlie stared at it for a while, before glaring up at Edward. Finally, he took Edward's hand with his pointer finger and his thumb--as if the hand offered was disgusting--and gave it a solemn shake.

"Edward," he grunted again, ignoring the look my mother was giving him. Edward sighed and turned to Renee dejectedly.

"Renee." His smile was forced as he extended his hand. She pushed it away, but recovered quickly as she stood up and gave him a hug. She gave me a pointed look over Edward's shoulder, and I rolled my eyes again. Did she really expect a thank-you for being civil to my husband? I had a feeling this dinner was only going to get steadily worse.

Elizabeth came out of the kitchen intermittenedly, bringing out side-dish after side-dish as my family attempted to make conversation. Soon, though, we found ourselves in an awkward, tension-filled silence. Edward cleared his throat.

"Would you like to know the sex of the baby?" He asked excitedly, his green eyes meeting mine. I beamed at him, placing my hand on my stomach.

"I'd prefer to hear how you expect to pay for all your student loans, _and_ the kid," Charlie grunted, glaring at Renee as she kicked him under the table. My grin faded into a small smile as I turned to my mother hopefully. She seemed to force a smile as she nodded her head silently.

"You're getting a grandson!" I announced gleefully, hoping that this would brighten Charlie's day. He shrugged his shoulders noncommittedly, looking up at Renee for her reaction. She seemed disappointed, and I knew immediately that she would have preferred a girl. I bit my lip and looked at Edward, my eyes filling with tears. Edward didn't miss a beat, though; he was determined to fix my broken family if it killed him.

"We've picked a name," he offered, looking between Charlie and Renee again, waiting for their approval. Charlie shrugged, and Renee nodded again. "Joshua Charles Masen," he said it slowly, like it was the greatest name in the world-- and it was. Edward's father had a twin brother, Joshua, who had died at birth, while Charles was an obvious gift to my father.

"Charles wasn't good enough for a first name?" Charlie grunted; he seemed as determined to keep this family in shambles as I was to put us back together. "Figures."

"I like it," Renee offered. "It's a good name," she affirmed. Charlie snorted.

"You would like it," he muttered, and I didn't understand until he elaborated, "because you wouldn't have to call him Charlie and think of me."

"That's not true," Renee hissed back, glowering at him. "I like the name because they obviously do. I'm trying to be supportive of this little... _fling_." That was painful to hear, and I looked at Edward for reassurance. He was pinching the bridge of his nose-- a sure sign that he was losing his temper, and fast. I looked back at Renee only able to catch the end of her rant, "--because we're going to have to get used to this baby whenever this relationship fails." She shrugged, sending Charlie a look that ended their quiet discussion.

"It's not going to fail," I stated icily, trying my best to keep my voice firm. My wedding ring felt heavy in my pocket; we were going to tell them tonight, right after dinner. Elizabeth had put so much effort into that meal, and I didn't want to ruin it with our announcement and the fight that would definitely follow.

"Okay, sweetheart, I'm sorry--"

"But you're not," Edward said quickly, his tone insulting. "You're waiting for me to walk out on her again, and it's not going to happen," he stated firmly, jabbing his finger on the table with each word, annunciating every syllable as if that would cause them to suddenly believe us. "This isn't a fling-- it's a _marriage_."

Now he had done it-- the "M"-word was thrown onto the table. It was only a matter of minutes before all hell broke--

"Ex_cuse_ me?" Renee said quietly, her head snapping from me and Edward so quickly that I was pretty sure it was about to fall off. "What did you just--"

"We're married, Re--Mom," I said quietly, slipping on my ring. I showed it to them both, the beautiful golden band glittering in the light. Renee snatched my hand away, bringing the ring up so that it was nearly poking her eye. "We got married last year, right after graduation..."

"We thought it would be best not to tell you," Edward added quickly, and I nodded. "Because of the way you reacted when we mentioned only the _idea _of getting married." I bit my lip and he winked at me. He was attempting to reassure me that everything would be alright, but I knew better.

"You were right," Charlie stood up suddenly, his chair falling backwards with a loud smacking sound. I winced, jerking my hand away from Renee's face. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at my father. "It would've been better if you hadn't told us-- at least _me_." His eyes had been trained on Edward, and I winced again when his hard glare turned to me. "How could you be so stupid, Bella? Really, how could you have grown up with _her_--" he tossed his head in Renee's direction off-handedly "--and think that marriage means anything to anyone these days?"

"Oh, can you just get over it?" Renee stood up too, her own chair falling backwards against Elizabeth's pristine wooden floors. I warily began to look for Edward's mother, but she was nowhere to be seen. "It's been nearly twenty-three years, Charlie-- just move on..."

"Move on? I'm supposed to _move on_?" Charlie laughed bitterly. "You said you loved me, that you'd never leave me, and then you just up and left-- 'I really hate Forks'-- we could have moved, Renee-- did you ever think of that? We could have moved to the fucking city for all I cared, because my only thought was being with you for the rest of my life--" he whipped his head towards me, sending me a pointed look "--but obviously, _love just wasn't enough_."

"Charlie-- Edward and I obviously have more than just love--"

"_You_ didn't keep _her_ here either, what makes you think _Josh_ will?" Charlie shrugged it off nonchalantly, as if he was discussing a trade between baseball teams. My vision was blurring again as tears welled in my eyes. I looked down at my plate. I had always known that I had been the reason for my parents' unhappiness, but to hear it voiced out loud was just too much to handle. I raised my hand to wipe away the traitorous tears that were running down my face. Another chair was knocked to the ground, and I jerked my head up to see Edward standing now, and he was absolutely fuming.

"Enough!" He interrupted Charlie and Renee's squabble with his forceful shout. Movement to my left told me that Elizabeth had finally made her grand entrance. The steaming turkey in her hands was forgotten by everyone; the holiday was lost. "This isn't about your relationship-- this is about Bella's and mine." Renee had at least the decency to look ashamed; Charlie just looked angrier that Edward was speaking to him like that. "If you can't just... _handle_ the fact that Bella and I are married, then I suggest you can get out right now. We don't need someone who won't accept us to be ruining a perfectly fine holiday," his tone was final, and he looked at me briefly. The love and adoration in his eyes made my heart splutter, the anger and shame that followed made me swallow nervously. "I-I remember distinctly what you told Bella and I what would happen if we were to marry," he said quietly, bending down to pick up his chair. He sat down and pushed himself in, placing his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. "Neither one of us would blame you if you merely carried out your threat. Just do it quietly-- Bella and the baby don't need that extra stress."

It was eerily quiet for a moment, and all I could focus on was Josh's kicking and my heavy breathing. I placed a hand on my stomach, wincing in pain as Josh continued to kick. He didn't like loud noises, and all the shouting had upset him. I looked down at my belly only to see splotches of water on my navy-blue dress. I realized that they were puddles of my own tears. I hastily wiped them off of my face with my free hand, my other was still rubbing my stomach. Two strong arms were suddenly wrapping themselves around my shoulders, and I looked up to see Edward's face. There was a mixture of emotions playing out, but before I could determine any of them, he buried his face in my neck and murmered, "I'm sorry."

Confused, I pushed away from him to see his face again. He shook his head and continued to hug me tightly. I looked at Elizabeth for a moment, and she looked just as upset as Edward. Finally, I turned to see Charlie and Renee-- surely they would tell me what was the matter.

Unfortunately, they were both gone.

* * *

"That was the last time you spoke to either of them?" Doctor Cullen's whisper pierced my heart, but I managed to nod silently. I raised my hand to wipe at my face again, annoyed that I found tears there. My parents really shouldn't still have this effect on me-- it's been over six years, now. I bit my lip and took in a deep breath. "...you said both of Edward's parents died," Doctor Cullen began hesitantly. I stiffened; despite knowing that this question was inevitable, I was hoping to avoid it for just a little longer.

"Yes."

"How," he stopped himself, as if questioning whether or not he should continue. He sighed, "How did she die?"

I squeezed my eyes shut as I managed to mutter, "Car crash."

* * *

Edward's mother and I were having lunch out one chilly February afternoon. Edward had decided to take care of Josh for the day; with his late-night study sessions and early morning classes, he really didn't spend much time with our son. That, and he wanted Elizabeth to get out a little bit; ever since I had given birth to Josh, she and I barely had any alone time together.

We were discussing stupid things, like what we were going to do for Josh's first birthday, or if Edward and I had any plans for our upcoming wedding anniversary. I asked her if she was still going to move down out of her house and retire in someplace warmer. We laughed over the millions of pictures Edward and I had taken of Josh. It was cute and casual, and just what we both had needed.

I had driven, because Elizabeth didn't like to drive much. Something about gas prices being too high, and she being too old. I didn't mind it much, and she was the best sort of company in a car. Never once would she complain about my driving or how long I took; she just enjoyed the ride.

We were approaching an intersection when she suddenly remembered something. "I wanted you and Edward to have some pictures-- they're just in my bag," she had mumbled. I wasn't paying attention to what she was saying; my eyes were trained on the road. I may have only spent one week a year with Charlie, but his work as a police officer made me a very diligent driver. The light was yellow when I was beginning to cross the intersection, and it was still yellow when the car came flying through, striking Elizabeth's side of the car.

* * *

"She wasn't wearing her seatbelt-- she took it off to grab the pictures out of the backseat," I mumbled to Doctor Cullen, my eyes staring unseeing at Edward's hand clasped in mine. "She made it to the hospital-- she was fading in and out of consciousness for awhile... Edward got the chance to say good-bye, but... she was ready, I like to think. She really missed her husband," I didn't mean for the statement to sound so direct, but it came across as a pointed remark to my own situation. Doctor Cullen sighed beside me, and I finally turned to look at him.

"Thank you, Bella," he said quietly. "I know that was hard." I shrugged my shoulders, avoiding his eyes.

"Now you see," I tried to remain nonchalant, "that he's all I have left."

Doctor Cullen sighed again, and I was getting irritated. Couldn't he say something? Anything would be better than this silence-- this ignorance of not knowing whether or not Edward was going to come out of this okay. He had promised me, and I kept my promises... So should the rest of the world, right?

Wrong.

Wrong, wrong, _wrong_... Doctor Cullen wasn't doing anything special to help Edward. Not once had he come in with some miraculous cure-- he didn't even have hope anymore. If he didn't have hope, how could I? I dropped Edward's hand a bit forcefully and stood up abruptly. "Do something!" I shouted at him, pressing my one fist into my hip. My arm in the cast hung limply at my side. "Do anything-- help him!" I gestured towards Edward and the many beeping machines. "Why aren't you helping him?"

"I am!" Doctor Cullen was quick to answer. He grabbed the chart and shoved it under my nose. "I am helping him to the best of my ability, Bella, I am doing everything in my power--"

"You aren't _saving _him!" I interrupted him, the hysteria taking over. No longer could I think rationally-- my mind was screaming at me that he didn't care. That Edward was just some extreme case that would look good on paper. That he was just another body-- about to be just another body in the morgue. That Doctor Cullen didn't care that what would have been the best physician he's ever had was dying, and he wasn't doing a _damned thing _about it. "You promised you'd save him-- keep your promises, or don't make them at all!"

He seemed stunned that I had said that. He seemed genuinely taken aback at how upset I was. I wondered if he was paying attention-- I had just lost my son, was about to lose my husband. I hadn't spoken to either of my parents in half a decade. And he seemed genuinely surprised that I was as upset as I was. Who wouldn't be upset that they were about to be all alone in such a large, cruel, over-populated world? I reached forward and grabbed the front of his jacket. "Save. Him."

His cold hands grasped my wrists and shoved me away, and he began to pace the tiny room. His footsteps became simple blurs to me as I surrendered, once more, to the tears washing down my face. I collapsed in my chair again, taking my head into my hands. I sobbed openly, feeling broken. Nothing could put me back together, either, because the hands that had always so meticulously pieced me together were unnaturally still. I reached forward and grabbed Edward's hand again. I turned to stare at Doctor Cullen, who was suddenly unmoving. He was staring at me with wide eyes.

"Please," I begged the kind doctor, hating the amount of pity I saw in his eyes. I sqeezed Edward's still hand, turning to look at my comatose husband. "He's the only thing I have left," I turned back to the doctor's alarmingly understanding eyes, "Please don't make me do this... I-I can't lose him."

Quicker than I thought possible, Doctor Cullen had crossed to the door and shut it with a click. He turned the lock in place, and closed the blinds in front of the little window. He moved towards the observation window, on the wall beside the door. He quickly shut those blinds as well. He glared warily at the faint light peeking through the curtains on the other side of the room, but said nothing. "Doctor Cullen--"

"Bella," he said gently, sitting in a chair he had pulled up in front of my own. "If I'm going to help you and your husband, you're going to have to start calling me Carlisle."

* * *

_Liked it? Hated it? Let me have it-- in a REVIEW!_


	5. Thank You for the Venom

**Disclaimer: **The song, "Thank You for the Venom" is not mine, it's just another awesome My Chemical Romance song that I worship.

**Author's Note:** Okay, I have to say it-- _holy crow! _The fact that you all DOUBLED the number of the reviews that I normally get per chapter-- eleven, really?!--I just had to get this chapter up as soon as possible. My other two stories are _on hiatus_ as of right now, because I am on such a roll with this one.

**Also**: Despite the fact that these past two chapters haven't been beta-ed-- I was in such a rush to get them to you all that I decided to skip that step in my writing process-- I'd like to make a shout out to my awesome, talented beta, **Ris**. You should really check out her stories-- she's awesome, awesome, awesome! (Her screenname is my only favorite author, so far...)

**And**, I have another question for those reviewers lovely enough to read my tedious Author's Notes: I know some Twilight authors put pictures on their profiles in an attempt to get the readers to visualize their characters/costumes/settings. Would you guys like it if I did the same thing, or would you prefer to keep your own views of my story (pictures in your head)? Lemme know what you think...

Enough rambling--

Enjoy it, m'friends!

* * *

Frostbite  
Chapter Five: Thank You for the Venom

* * *

_"I wouldn't front the scene if you paid me  
I'm just the way that the doctor made me, on,  
and on,  
and on,  
and on  
Love is the red the rose on your coffin door  
What's life like, bleeding on the floor,  
the floor,  
the floor_

_You'll never make me leave  
I wear this on my sleeve  
Give me a reason to believe_

_So give me all your poison  
And give me all your pills  
And give me all your hopeless hearts  
And make me ill  
You're running after something  
That you'll never kill  
If this is what you want  
Then fire at will "_

* * *

_"_Why'd you lock the door?"

The request to call him by his first name fell on deaf ears. My eyes were scanning the room warily-- the drawn blinds, the locked door, and the fact that my husband couldn't respond to anything he said made me wonder what he was about to tell me. I knew my husband was dying; I was slowly coming to accept that idea. His explanation of "I don't want anyone to barge in and overhear" made me less comfortable.

"I don't want the specifics of how he's dying, if that's what this is all about," I muttered bitterly, pushing out of my chair. He was there in an instant, pushing me back down. He collapsed into the chair across from me and sighed.

"I thought you wanted my help?" he asked, his eyes tired. I bit my lip and nodded. "Bella-- this... this is going to be very hard to believe; you have to trust me."

"I already trust you, Doc-- _Carlisle_," I corrected myself at his intense stare. "I trusted you with my life, and now I'm trusting you with Edward's-- what is it? Is it some kind of surgery?" My mind was going a mile a minute, "Is it expensive? I can afford it-- Edward's parents, they had money, you see, and--"

"Bella, _breathe_," Carlisle interrupted me, smirking slightly. "No, there's no surgery that can fix your husband. Any other doctor would tell you that there is nothing more that they can do, and they would just let your husband... _pass on_." I looked at him curiously.

"But not you?"

He smiled, nodding his head. "Not me."

"So," I started off slowly, watching his face carefully. I'm not very good at reading people-- not nearly as good as Edward-- but Carlisle looked oddly... amused? "What makes you so different?"

His eyes dimmed, ever so slightly, as he tried to figure out how best to phrase it. "Years of experience," he finally offered, his eyes twinkling at some inside joke. I snorted; he didn't look much older than I was. "I mean it, Bella-- I have many, _many_ years of experience." I watched him do the math in his head, before finally he settled on, "Over five-hundred years, if you care to be precise."

That was uncalled for: my husband lay dying, he had promised me some miracle cure, and now, he decided, was the best time to joke? To toy with my emotions? This was low, especially for someone as considerate and compassionate as Carlisle. I glowered at him, and he offered me a shy smile. "I'm serious, Bella... you see, I'm," he paused again, his eyes searching mine for a moment, before he continued, "I'm... a vampire."

This was absolutely ridiculous-- did he _really_ expect me to believe him? Completely and utterly ludicrous-- was he trying to lighten the mood? Attempting to make me laugh so when he finally sobered up and offered, "No, really, you're husband's just going to die" that I would take it with a smile? I glanced at Edward, his face so pale and broken, before turning back to see a very serious Carlisle sitting in front of me. His eyes were so... so _sure_, so absolutely confident in his words... Perhaps it wasn't a joke?

But... if he was _truly_ a vampire, wouldn't he just suck the life out of my husband? I slowly began to understand why he locked the door; he didn't want anyone to interrupt his kill. Edward was going to die anyway, right? Why let perfectly good blood go to waste?

This was, by far, just some typical action-movie move. This was the bragging rights he earned right before he vanquishes the hero. Every good villain has a long, drawn-out monologue right before they kill the hero-- this was his. I couldn't breathe, my chest hurt, and all I could think about was how I had drawn this to myself. This was all my fault, and--

"_Breathe_, Bella-- come on, now, just breathe with me," he said softly, reaching out two hands to grab my shoulders. His hands were freezing-- like... like _death_. What would have been a reassuring gesture turned out to be the thing to send me over the edge. He swore under his breath and moved to grab me a paper bag. He handed it to me and stepped far away from me as I used to bag to end my hyperventilation. When I was finally relaxed, he came back and knelt on the ground next to me; I didn't remember ever getting to the floor, but there I was. My back was pressed against Edward's bed, and my head was in between my knees. He placed another cold hand on my shoulder and I winced. He removed it quickly, and I lifted my head to take another good look at him.

I couldn't deny it anymore-- Carlisle Cullen was breath-taking. His features were hard and angular, but perfect nonetheless. It was as if Michaelangelo himself had sculpted Carlisle out of the finest marble. Everything about him--from his hair, down to his feet--was perfect. Yet, the most startling feature was his eyes.

I had barely noticed them before, but now I could bask in all their glory. Staring back at me were two of the most gorgeous eyes I had ever seen; they were a warm gold in color, something completely different from anything I had seen before. In that moment, staring into Carlisle's warm, butterscotch eyes, did I finally recognize that he was telling the truth. There was just so much honesty behind his startling eyes that I couldn't help but nod my head and mutter, "Vampire." The word sounded so unusual to be coming from my lips, yet at the same time it sounded magical. He nodded his head, as if his answer would send me into another panic attack.

"Yes, Bella-- I'm a vampire," he said softly. I quirked my head to the side, curious now.

"And this helps Edward, _how_?"

He laughed, now, throwing his head back and letting out the musical sound without restraint. I smiled, hesitantly, unsure of whether or not I was in on this particular joke. He stood up quickly, his raucous laughter dying into light chuckles, and offered me a hand. As I gripped it, I suddenly noticed how it was like holding onto a stone. He pulled me to my feet easily, and sat me down on my chair. He bent quickly to check my leg and arm to make sure I hadn't injured them on my journey to the floor. I didn't know if he wasn't answering me because he didn't know how, or if he wasn't answering me because I was right in my thinking-- he wanted to kill Edward.

"Bella, I wasn't exaggerating when I said I've been living for over five-hundred-years," he said softly, settling into the chair across from me again. "I've been alone all this time," he said slowly, as if hoping it would dawn on me and he wouldn't have to continue. He sighed at my blank stare, and elaborated, "I can change Edward, and _that_ is how he would survive."

"Change him?" The word was awkward on the tip of my tongue; it wasn't a strange word, or even unusual, but it was just weird to say it in the way he was using it. "As in-- into someone... like you?" I just couldn't get my head around the word 'vampire'. I had almost blurted out 'into someone like you-- who sucks the blood out of millions of people with fangs and sleeps in coffins and can't come out in the sun--'

"Yes, Bella, someone like me," he seemed amused at the idea that I couldn't say the specific word.

"Wouldn't you just kill him?"

"Figuratively speaking," Carlisle shrugged, reaching his arm out to me. He rolled up the sleeve of his white lab coat and shook his pale arm at me. "Try to find a pulse," he smiled, enjoying his own little private joke. I glared at him, and he sobered up quickly. "Bella, you have to trust me-- I will tell you my whole story when both Edward and you are able to hear it for yourselves. Right now, I'm just going to tell you the basics..."

I nodded, and he continued, "I am a vampire, and have been one for over five-hundred-years, this you already know," he added at my exasperated expression. He held up two hands in a surrender, and I offered him an apologetic smile. My hand reached forward and gripped Edward's again. He looked at a loss of how to continue-- I was sure that there had to be so much he could say-- so he finally settled on, "Why don't I just let you ask me what you would like to know?"

I blurted out the first thing that came to my head, "The sun?"

"That's a myth," Carlisle shrugged it off. "I don't burn up, persay, but... I can't be in the sun around humans."

The way he so nonchalantly said 'humans' made my stomach twist uncomfortably. I bit my lip, moving my free hand to gesture that he should show me what he meant. It was the first sunny day in Forks, from what I could see peeking through the thick curtains. Carlisle got up off of his chair and pulled the curtains open, drenching the room in the warm autumn sun. He was still in the shadows, and I immediately regretted my request-- what if it was painful?

Before I could voice my worry, however, he had stepped into the sun. I couldn't contain the gasp that left my lips, "Holy crow..."

If Carlisle Cullen had been anything short of a God before, his divinity was solidified by his presence in the sun. It was as if his ivory skin was made up of tiny little diamonds; he literally... _glittered_... in the sun. Every exposed part of skin reflected the light coming in, causing rainbows to bounce around the putrid green walls of Edward's room. Just as quickly as he had been in the light, he was out of it and sitting across from me again. I licked my lips to separate them-- my mouth had gone dry with shock.

After a few more moments of awkward silence, I continued with my cliched questions, "Coffins?"

"We don't sleep," he said simply, leaning back in his chair. "Our energy is derived solely from the blood we consume."

I was able to overlook the morbid statement, "Garlic?"

"No," he chuckled at me, now, "Hollywood hasn't gotten much right so far..." My mind was whirling with more questions-- so many questions that I didn't know which one to ask next.

"How?" I finally settled upon the easy question, and I elaborated after his confused glance in my direction, "How will you do it?"

He was silent for a while, before he finally answered with a simple, "I have a theory." As if he could feel the tension rising in my stomach, his eyes met mine quickly and he added, "But it's a strong one. I know what I would have to do in order to... change him," he said softly, placing a calming hand on my shoulder. I no longer flinched at his icy touch, and I took in a deep breath. "I just don't know how long it'll take...

"From what I remember-- and my memory of my own change is very vague-- is that it takes about two to three days, and they will be the longest days of his... existence." Existence? It took a moment or two for the cogs to fit perfectly in my head-- no pulse, no life. There was no break-- he couldn't sleep. Was I really going to submit my husband to this never-ending continuance? This mere _existence_? "--it's painful. I'm sure you remember the pain of childbirth?" I grimaced and he smiled warily. "Multiply it by... well, its infinitively worse."

I bit my lip and nodded, my eyes moving from Carlisle's wary face to the horribly nothingness of my husband. Edward looked absolutely dreadful, but I couldn't stand the look in Carlisle's eyes. "As a newborn," he continued as if nothing was wrong, "your every thought and motion shall be centered around your bloodlust. It will be hard to manage-- I'm not sure if I can manage the both of you on my own, but I suppose I will have to try--"

"The both of us?" He quirked his head to the side at my honestly curious question.

"Yes, Bella-- I would have to change both of you--"

"Why?"

The honesty behind my question seemed to baffle him, but I really wasn't able to put two and two together quite as quickly as he may have liked. It had never crossed my mind that I would have to change with Edward, after all, he would be saved and we could be together, and that was really all that mattered to me. It was then that Carlisle's previous morbid statement decided to make a reappearance:

_Our energy is derived solely from the blood we consume._

Originally, I had brushed it off as just a simple, nonchalant statement. To me, that statement hadn't been any different than a little kid revealing his preference to chocolate as opposed to broccoli. Yet, as I continued to stare into Carlisle's worried, caramel eyes, my breath didn't seem to want to come anymore. He really was going to change my husband into a blood-sucking, life-stealing vampire. How could I be so selfish as to even consider his idea? How dare I only think of my own discomfort in this situation-- surely my husband wouldn't want that for himself?

Yet, the other part of my brain was remembering all those beautiful moments when he had held me in his arms and promised me forever. I took in a deep, calming breath at that thought. He had sounded so sincere, but... was this what he had meant? I bit my lip-- of course not. I doubted the idea of becoming a vampire had crossed Edward's mind when he had promised me forever. But, maybe if he knew--

"Bella," Carlisle's calming voice broke me out of my thought process.

"Do you kill people?" I blurted out the question before I could think of a better way to phrase it. I could feel the blush heating up my cheeks, and I stuttered over a better way to say it, "I-I mean... do-do you drink, well..." _Oh, holy crow, just say it!_ "Do you drink human blood?"

He stared at me for a long moment before he shook his head. "No, I don't, Bella," he said softly, and I let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding in. "_But_," he added ominously, and I cursed his inability to just let me believe for one second that everything would be okay, "I don't want you to get the wrong impression. I am able to resist the... call--" his eyes apologized for the cliched phrasing "--of human blood because I haven't ever drank it, but it's not that easy, Bella... especially for a newborn, the bloodlust will be all that you can think of. It will control you."

"Would-would it be easier," I couldn't believe I was offering this, "if... if I gave you enough time to allow Edward to... _get used to it_..." I shuddered at the thought of my sweet, caring husband being controlled by such an animalistic trait. I steadied myself with a deep breath and continued, "...before you changed me?"

He chuckled after a few moments, and I looked up at him with a glare. I softened at the sweet smile on his face, and he quieted down his laughter. "Bella," he breathed, "I have never met anyone as selfless as you. Here you are, offering to spend an entire year apart from your husband after mere moments before refusing to leave his side for a moment." His smile grew into a grin, "And all to insure someone else's happiness." He shook his head, his eyes closing briefly in thought. "Unbelievable."

I blushed again, my own eyes turning to stare at my husband again. I would do anything to make him happy; it was true. If that meant a year away so he could learn to control himself, then a year away I would spend. Carlisle cleared his throat and I looked up at him silently. "Bella," he began, "I have another theory..."

"Yes?"

"You see, there is this... _myth_, amongst vampires," he chuckled at pun, and I couldn't help joining in myself, "something we call a singer. It's when one human's blood calls to you above anything else._ La tua cantante_ as my friends in Italy would say." I nodded, understanding. "Your relationship with Edward is so strong, that it makes me wonder if its possible that... that you two would be each other's singers, once changed," his eyes flickered between Edward and me. I bit my lip, wondering how this could affect the change. "That being said, it would be... _most_ crucial that I change you both within a few days of the other," he continued. "As Edward was nearing the end of his change, yours would have to begin. That way--if my theory is correct--it would..." he paused again, as if wondering if I could handle his next thought. With a deep breath, he finished, "...keep you from killing each other."

As if the conversation wasn't weird enough; my husband's boss, a vampire, talking to me about becoming a vampire as if it was a simple conversation about the weather. But to actual think it possible for Edward and I to kill each other was laughable. I wanted to go looking for the hidden camera now-- he was actually quite convincing until that last bit. I bit my lip to keep from laughing, but it wasn't hard to stop after catching Carlisle's eye. Once more, the good doctor surprised me by being completely and totally honest.

_Darn_. "So... I would be able to stay with Edward during his change?"

"For a part of it, yes," Carlisle nodded. "If my theory is correct, your blood would be too much of a draw when he wakes up. Therefore, half-way through, I would begin your change. I would clean up all traces of blood so that when he woke, he wouldn't attack you." I nodded, remaining silent as he continued with his plan. "I'm not sure, however, as to how Edward will handle the bloodlust immediately. Therefore, I can't be certain if I will be able to remain with you for the entirety of yours. I will be able to be there for most of it, and if Edward really needs to hunt, I'll be able to take him in enough time to come back just as your transformation was finishing." Again, I nodded mutely, knowing that my opinion wasn't necessarily needed for him to continue. He was silent, too, though, and when I turned away from looking at Edward's face I saw that he was expecting me to say something.

"What's the plan?"

"My shift is over," he said quietly, looking at the locked door. He glanced at his watch before turning back to stare at me. "So, we'll have to do this tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Was Edward's situation really that dire-- couldn't I just have one more day to consider--

"Yes, tomorrow morning, to be precise," he nodded, the plan formulating in his head. "We'll stage Edward's death, I'll make the call-- time of death and everything. Because of his catatonic state, I'm not sure if he'll even be... awake for most of his change," he spoke as if he was merely voicing his thoughts. The sentences were jammed together quickly, like he was afraid that if he didn't say it all quick enough, he'd lose the thought. "I'll keep the nurses away by saying you wanted to have a few moments alone with him. You'll leave and drive my car around to the exit by the morgue... make a big deal out of it--" he forced a smile "--so that it comes to no surprise when you disappear from Forks the next day. If you can," he added quickly, the smile disappearing from his face as he became serious again, "tell someone that you plan on moving immediately. It'll be in my notes that Edward's being cremated tomorrow night-- no one will think twice if you left the very next morning."

He stopped, then, letting the beginnings of his plan sink into my head. I had mental images of everything dancing around in my brain, the look on the nurses faces, the emptiness I would feel being away from Edward, but mostly-- "How are you going to be able to move him from here to the morgue? Doesn't he need all this... equipment?" The word was poison on my tongue, I grimaced at the thought of all the machines that were keeping my husband alive. Carlisle sighed.

"This is the tricky part-- because, you see, when patients are taken off of life support, some only last a few seconds-- others can survive for hours," his eyes flickered over towards Edward's still form briefly, before he met my stare again. "I'd have to... begin his change before he's left the room."

I didn't understand how this could be a problem, but then his statement about the kind of pain resurfaced, and I winced at the thought. "I'm hoping that because of his catatonic state, he'll be unconscious for at least the beginning stages of the transformation," his voice was getting quieter and quieter, until he was whispering, "but it's a very slim chance. We'll have to time this just right, so that... if he wakes... his screams..." He broke off, unsure of how to finish, "We'll have to make sure that he's only heard-- not seen. If I get him out of here quick enough, it will be easy to disguise his screams as someone else's..."

He trailed off, and it was probably because he noticed that my eyes had glazed over in thought. I've never seen Edward scream before; he was always so meticulous in hiding his pain. I still vividly remember the one time he had broken his leg while playing soccor with his college roommates, and all he did was smile and tell me how beautiful I was. My cheeks burned; he could be in the worst pain in the world, yet his thoughts seemed to only focus on me. "So, tomorrow, then," I nodded, letting him know I understood.

"Tomorrow," he stood up with a sigh. "I'm sorry to leave you now, but to be well-prepared, I'm going to hunt."

I shrugged, my eyes going to Edward's face again. "Have a good night," I offered lamely, sinking further into my armchair as I attempted to get comfortable enough to sleep.

"Sweet dreams," he affirmed, with a tone that made me wonder if I'd ever hear that phrase again. As my mind twisted around me with all the new information-- no sleeping, no eating, drinking animal blood, killing innocent beings, bloodlust-- I was barely able to register the sound of the door closing with a swift 'click'.

Would it be worth it? Would eternity with Edward be worth all the trouble we were about to go through? I let out a small chuckle at the very idea that I had to even ask that question.

_Of course it would be._

* * *

_Liked it? Hated it? Let me have it-- in a REVIEW!_

_S_orry to bore you with such an informational chapter, but the changes are going to be awesome-- at least how I have it in my head right now-- and I didn't want to cram it all into one chapter. Here's a sneak peek at next chapter, with the song being **"Half A Week Before The Winter" by Vanessa Carlton.** Check it out for a little taste of next chapter!

But, here's what you really want-- the Sneak Peek:

* * *

_...I couldn't believe that I had done it-- clumsy, awkward Bella Masen had been able to pull off what could possibly be the most extensive kidnapping plot in the world. I pulled Carlisle's Mercedes towards the exit, to see him standing there, my husband in his arms. I shivered at the sight; Edward still looked so weak. He darted forward-- the stupid sun had to put such a damper on our plan-- and placed Edward in the backseat. He shut the door quickly, and was in the passenger seat shouting, "Go!" before I could even blink._

_I stepped on the gas, "How did you get away from the hospital? Don't you have to finish your shift?" I asked quietly, straining my ears for any noise coming from my husband. His body was convulsing, slightly, and I tried to keep my eyes on the road._

_"I told them that I was worried for your safety," he muttered back, his eyes on my husband. "They agreed that perhaps I should follow you home-- keep you from doing something stupid."_

_I was about to argue, but right as I opened my mouth the first of Edward's screams echoed in the confined space of Carlisle's car._

* * *


	6. Half a Week Before the Winter

**Disclaimer:** "Half a Week Before the Winter" belongs to Vanessa Carlton-- honestly, check this song out, folks. It's freaking awesome.

**Author's Note:** Sixteen reviews. _Sixteen_. That's horribly exciting-- I haven't even gotten to the best parts yet! Here's the (much anticipated?) weekly update, as promised.

Enjoy!

**Just kidding-- P.S. **Now that I don't have to be in the dark anymore about what exactly is going down in this story-- I mean, if you haven't realized that Carlisle's going to change Edward and Bella, I really can't help you out --I can finally reveal what the title means.

It's a pun my friend came up for me when I was struggling for a title for this fic. I wanted to give a slight hint at the outcome of this story without totally giving it away. I was originally going to go with something stupid like "Freezer Burn", but then **Ris** told me **Frostbite** was better.

Frostbite-- Icy bite. Cold-vampire-bite. Get it now? Hee hee... Clever, clever.

* * *

Frostbite  
Chapter Six: Half a Week Before the Winter

_Half a week before the winter  
__**The chill bites before it comes  
**And I'm a child of the pleasure  
That he brings before he runs_

_He sits behind a desk of mahogany  
He whispers dreams into my ear  
And though I've given him his empire  
He delivers me my fear_

_The vampires are growing tired  
The coats of white all turn to red  
My heart burns with desire  
I carry on, I carry on_

* * *

Too quickly, I was snapped out of my dreams by a cold hand landing on my shoulder. I moaned, shifting around in my chair to hopefully go back to sleep. He chuckled, and I wanted to reach out and slap him, but the draw of sleep was much too powerful. I heard him land in the chair in front of me, and I sighed. Before I could delay the inevitable any more, I squeezed my eyes shut before forcing them open. "Not even a few more minutes?" I managed to mutter, stretching to the best of my abilities.

"Sorry, Bella." Carlisle sounded anything _but_ sorry. My semi-conscious mind was attempting to comprehend why he was waking me at the ungodly hour of noon when the day before came crashing down on me. I immediately sat up straighter, my eyes alert, and my body waiting to get up and make a break for it at any moment. This seemed to only fuel his amusement, which in turn made my glare somewhat more intense. "There are some last minute details we need to iron out."

I shrugged, relaxing back into my chair. "I assumed as much."

"I'm parked right out front-- the exit of the morgue is around back," he handed me a piece of paper, where he had drawn an extensive map, complete with a bright red line which I assumed I was supposed to follow. I pocketed it with a nod. "I'm going to give you a fifteen-minute head start. Not because it should take you fifteen minutes, but because I want to be careful," he continued on, digging once more in his coat pocket. He pulled out his keys and handed them to me. I placed them in the same pocket as the map.

"I'm going to take Edward off his heart monitor. It will register around the hospital that his heart stopped beating," he continued, folding his hands neatly and resting them in his lap. "I will call a time of death, and keep any and all hospital personnel out of the room so you can 'say your good-byes'." I smiled at his exaggerated wink. This felt more like a long joke than a kidnapping/homicide. I flinched at the word homicide, before forcing myself to accept it as it was. By tomorrow, Bella and Edward Masen would be dead to the world. Carlisle had paused, watching me carefully, but he still managed to misunderstand my flinch. "It's not for forever, Bella, you'll see him in fifteen minutes," he was attempting to sound exasperated in a move to make me smile, and it worked. I nodded, begging him silently to continue before my thoughts could take over again.

"While you are doing such, I'm going to be giving the nurses some rather stupid tasks to keep them away from Edward's room. Nothing pointless-- I'm just going to purposely send them away. I will make it clear that I will be moving the body to the morgue. They will all understand-- it hasn't gone unnoticed by anyone that I spend a lot of my time with you." My jaw dropped, and he quickly recovered, "No one takes it that way, Bella-- really." He seemed to be struggling with the urge to roll his eyes, but the smile couldn't stop itself from spreading on his face. "They just think I'm taking this case to heart, since I lost Jo-- your son," he kept himself from saying... his name, and I was glad. My eyes turned towards the urn before searching for his again. "They think I'm determined to keep Edward alive, too. That's all."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Good," I murmured before motioning for him to continue again.

"Right. Once the nurses are gone, I will come back in. You will leave, and from there will have fifteen minutes to get to the exit." I nodded; we had gone over this already. "Have all the doors unlocked-- it's sunny outside, and I'm going to have to run. Once I have myself and Edward in the car, I will lead you back to my house. Its on the outskirts of Forks, and will be well enough away from any trace of human scent."

"Wait," I saw a flaw in his nearly seamless plan. "You said the blood-lust was controlling."

"Yes?"

"And you're going to have two newborns on your hands."

"Yes."

"How are you still going to be able to work here?"

He smiled, "I was getting to that, you know." I blushed, looking down at my shoes. He chuckled at my embarrassment. "Don't worry about that-- it's all sorted out. I already told them that I just got an amazing job offer in Los Angeles. With the recent deaths of two of my patients, I'm sure they're going to be understanding with my need to leave. My superiors aren't pressing me to put in a full two weeks," he shrugged his shoulders. "After this shift, I'm done at Forks Hospital indefinitely." I nodded again, and he shrugged his shoulders. "The rest is simple-- once Edward's transformation is nearly complete, we shall start yours. After that, we'll have more time to discuss my back story, and for you and Edward to discuss... what happened while he was asleep." At my second nod, he rubbed his hands together. "Right. So, let's get started, shall we?"

I braced myself for what he was about to do next. I squeezed my eyes shut as he started to take Edward off of a few machines. He kept on the bare essentials-- the few machines that were keeping him alive-- but took off the extra ones. The ones that were making him comfortable. When the heart-breaking, ominous beep of the heart monitor dying filled the room I couldn't help the emotions that took me over. I hunched over in my seat and started sobbing. Despite the fact that my mind kept chanting "it's fake, it's fake, it's fake", my heart seemed to believe Edward's death. Carlisle's hand was briefly on my shoulder before I heard the door click shut. I had ten minutes.

"Edward," I whispered, watching him breathe in and out slowly. I stood up shakily, hobbling over to his bedside. I sat down by his chest, and leaned my face mere inches away from his. "I love you-- I've always loved you." I kissed his cheek now, resting my head in its natural position in the crook of his neck. "Come back to me..."

It felt like mere seconds had passed before Carlisle knocked on the door. I took in a deep, shattering breath and backed away from my love. "See you soon," I whispered, reaching forward to brush his cheek with my fingertips. His body was cool, and it made me shiver. I grabbed the crutches-- long forgotten in their position beside my chair-- and hobbled over to the door. I walked out, expecting to see Carlisle, but the hallway was empty. With another deep breath, I began my way out of the hospital, trying to ignore the sympathetic faces of the employees.

"I'm sorry for your loss," they whispered under their breath, not daring to say it loud enough to be recognized. I winced every time I heard it as I started to hurry down the hallway.

"Mrs.-- Bella, Bella, wait!"

I turned, to see Carlisle coming towards me. My face held my own shock-- this wasn't a part of the plan! He stopped right in front of me. "Bella, as sorry as I am for your loss, there's still things we need to discuss--"

"I've got to go," I reminded him, confused as to where he was going with this. The plan was pretty much set in stone-- what was he talking about?

"Where are you going?" He asked, looking genuinely concerned. Then I understood-- he was making sure everyone knew I was leaving town. I tried to hide my knowing smile.

"As far away from here as I possibly can..." With that I turned around and began to exit the building again. When he called after me again, I just kept going. _Sneaky vampire! _I thought to myself, brushing a hand over my face to hide the small smirk and to wipe away my tears. A nurse held open the door for me, and I waited for her to get out of sight before I hobbled over to Carlisle's car.

If I had had the time to admire the car, I probably would've fainted at its beauty. Seeing as how I had-- I glanced at the clock as I turned on the car, the faint pur of its engine rippling through me-- five minutes to make it to the morgue, I didn't have time to admire it then. I quickly ran my hand over the leather interior before I backed out of the parking lot, and followed the map as best as I could. Not that I had any difficulty; it was a perfect representation of the hospital parking lot and grounds. I made it to the morgue with only a few minutes to spare.

As I waited for Carlisle, I leaned back in the driver's seat and grinned. I couldn't believe that I had done it-- clumsy, awkward Bella Masen had been able to pull off what could possibly be the most extensive kidnapping plot in the world. I pulled Carlisle's Mercedes towards the exit, to see him standing there, my husband in his arms. I shivered at the sight; Edward still looked so weak. He darted forward-- the stupid sun had to put such a damper on our plan-- and placed Edward in the backseat. He shut the door quickly, and was in the passenger seat shouting, "Go!" before I could even blink.

I stepped on the gas, "How did you get away from the hospital? Don't you have to finish your shift?" I asked quietly, straining my ears for any noise coming from my husband. His body was convulsing, slightly, and I tried to keep my eyes on the road. Edward was quiet, and I thanked whatever powers that be for it. That must have meant that Carlisle would've received little resistance on his way to the morgue.

"I told them that I was worried for your safety," he muttered back, his eyes on my husband. "They agreed that perhaps I should follow you home-- keep you from doing something stupid."

I was about to argue, but right as I opened my mouth the first of Edward's screams echoed in the confined space of Carlisle's car.

"Bella!" He cried out, his eyes opening and searching for mine. "Bella-- Bella, get out! Get out, Bella-- the car's on fire!" His pained words turned into a shriek of pure agony as his eyes rolled back into his head and his back arched off the seat. "Fire, Bella-- Fire! Grab Jo- ah!" The pain took over again, and my sobs were coming harder now. I barely noticed Carlisle take the wheel from me and drive us to the side of the road. One moment, I'm sobbing over the steering wheel, the next I'm in the backseat, holding Edward's head in my lap as he continued to scream. "Grab Josh and go!" He shouted at me when the pain wasn't completely unbearable.

"Oh, Edward," I moaned, bending down to hug his body to my own. He was burning up, like he had a fever the temperature of the middle of the earth. I pulled away as if stung. "Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." My words were slurred as I wept over his convulsing form. "So. Sorry."

"Bella," Carlisle's voice was quick and in my ear. "I need to pick him up. We're going to move him into my study, all right? Everything's going to be fine, Bella-- this is just the worst of it."

I nodded stupidly, his words barely registering in my ears. Edward was off of my lap and in Carlisle's arms the next. He seemed to calm down a bit when Carlisle held him. He was still moving, but it seemed like now he was trying to put as much of his skin against Carlisle's. "I'm cold, Bella," he explained at my confused stare. I closed the car door and followed him towards the stairs. He was moving slowly for my benefit only, and I wanted to tell him to run-- help Edward, I'd be fine. "His body is twice the normal temperature. I suppose I feel like heaven right about now."

When we reached Carlisle's study, he gently laid my whimpering husband on one of the couches. He pulled over two chairs and motioned for me to occupy one before he relaxed in the other. "Edward," he said calmly, and my husband's pained green gaze met Carlisle's golden. "My name is Carlisle Cullen." Edward's eyes shut quickly as another spasm rocked his body. He was grinding his teeth together to keep from screaming, but a pained moan still managed to escape his lips. Carlisle waited patiently, and when Edward reopened his eyes, he continued, "I treated your entire family after the car crash-- you don't need all those gory details yet," I grimaced at the word 'gory', watching my husband writhe in pain. "But you should know-- up until a few hours ago, you were in a coma--"

Edward's frantic screams broke Carlisle's sentence off. "Please-- please, God, just make it stop!"

"I can't, Edward-- the pain is just the worst part of this." How Carlisle was managing to stay so calm was astounding to me. I wiped my face again, wishing I could reach out and touch Edward. "Edward, you were going to die. Believe it or not-- this is saving your life. This pain is what you need to go through to be able to stay with your family, Edward. Bella's right here," he was speaking, still, despite the fact that Edward's screams had yet to cease. He was bent over my husband, speaking directly into his ear. "I'll explain everything to you later. Just know that this is the worst of it-- things are only going to get better."

It probably would've calmed Edward down-- perhaps even just a little bit -- but the pain was so unbearable that he couldn't even seem to communicate that he heard Carlisle at all. "Talk to him, Bella," Carlisle suggested as he got up. He moved behind the large mahogany desk in the middle of his study and settled himself down in the large chair. "It can only help."

"B-Bells?" Edward moaned, his eyes piercing mine. "I-I love you, Bells... Jo-Jo-- ah!" I flinched at the newest scream to come from him. My heart was slowly breaking into fine little pieces-- dust in my chest as I watched him thrash on the couch. I took a deep breath and intertwined his fingers with my own. I ignored how hot his flesh was-- burns could heal, but the damage to my heart seemed irreversible. "Jo-Josh, too..." He managed to croak.

I didn't have the heart to tell him-- I didn't have the guts. I seemed to choke on air as he continued to look at me. He turned away from me again, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. He was breathing through his nose, attempting to dull the pain. When he couldn't anymore, he opened his mouth up to let out another shattering scream. "What is wrong with me?"

Carlisle was there in an instant, reaching an arm out to hold Edward to the couch as he thrashed. "Nothing is wrong with you, Edward," he said softly, into Edward's ear again. I dropped Edward's hand-- he had been squeezing mine so hard, I knew I'd have bruises --and backed away. "Right now, you are going through a transformation, Edward. When you wake up from this pain, you will be reborn. You will be stronger, faster, more able. There are more obstacles ahead of you, Edward, but this is the worst of it."

My husband nodded to the best of his abilities, turning to look at me again. "Where's-- where's..." He didn't need to say his name for me to understand. I looked at Carlisle for help; my mouth went dry at the thought of having to break the news.

"We'll tell you everything when this is all over, Edward." This seemed to appease my husband enough that he stopped trying to speak coherently. Carlisle turned to look at me. "You should probably get some sleep, Bella."

"I can't just leave him," I whispered, my eyes still focused on my husband.

"You have eternity with him, Bella," he reminded me gently. Deciding that this was true, I nodded. He smiled quickly at me before turning back to Edward with a serious expression. "I'll be right back, Edward-- I'm just going to show Bella where she's sleeping, all right?"

"Ye-yes... t-take care... of... Bell-ah!"

I especially didn't want to leave him when he was yelling like that, but Carlisle's grip on my elbow made it impossible for me to not follow him. He led me down the hall and down a flight of stairs, back into the main room. "I hope you don't mind a couch," he apologized, "beds are a bit superfluous to someone who can't sleep."

"Couch is fine," I managed to mumble. I sat down and he was suddenly standing next to me with a blanket. He pulled a seat cushion from a different couch for me to use as a pillow, and smiled softly at me.

"I'll wake you up in enough time to say good-bye to Edward before we begin your transformation." I nodded mutely, not wanting to speak for fear of what I'd blurt out. He was gone in an instant.

As much as I wanted to sleep-- needed to sleep --the fact that I could still hear Edward perfectly clear rendered me wide awake. I settled myself into the couch, placed my face deep into the pillow, and began to sob openly. My heart was crying for all the pain I was putting my husband through for my own selfish reasons. As my mind began to list the pros and cons in my head, Edward's cries seemed to lessen, and I was able to drift into an uncomfortable, worried state of unconsciousness.

* * *

I woke to Edward screaming.

Carlisle had moved me during the night. I was in a completely different room, now. I sat up from the couch I was lying on and looked around, attempting to orient myself with my surroundings. Just as I was about to get up, Carlisle walked in with a grim smile. "Come on, Bella-- come say good-bye before we get started," he said quietly-- barely loud enough for me to hear. I nodded numbly, wiping at my eyes. The tears didn't seem to stop falling from my eyes. I followed him back to his study, biting my lower lip in anxiety.

"Bella," Edward moaned, his eyes catching mine as I entered. I tried to smile-- really, I did --but it ended up as a grimace.

"I told him what was happening when you were asleep," Carlisle supplied, before he moved behind his large desk. He motioned me forward with a hand, and then went still; his butterscotch eyes were focused on the pages of the book in front of him. He was slightly giving us privacy.

"Edward, I'm so sorry." I lost count of how many times I apologized. He shut his eyes and swallowed hard before he opened them back up to look at me. His pupils were so dilated, his eyes looked black as they stared into mine.

"Stop. Apologizing." He grunted, his fists clenching against the leather seat cushions. "Tell. Me. You. Love. Me."

"You know I do, Edward-- with all of my heart, I do," I cried. I wanted nothing more than to bury my head in his shoulder and break down. But I couldn't. Not now. "I love you more than life itself-- more than anything else on this planet. You are my everything," I was babbling, now, but neither one of us seemed to care. "My life, my love, my existence, Edward-- please tell me you know that."

He managed to nod, if only a little. I breathed a sigh of relief before the dread began to fill my stomach again. "I-I have to go now... it's... my turn." He stiffened even more at that revelation.

"No," he managed to mutter. "No-- no-- no!" He thrashed more against the seat, his eyes wild. "Carlisle-- ah! -- no!"

"Edward," Carlisle's voice remained calm despite the tension in the room, "I already explained this to you. If I don't change Bella, you will kill her."

"Sedate... her... morphine?" The words were forced out through clenched teeth-- his eyes were shut in concentration. He was trying so hard to articulate exactly what he wanted to say.

"Wouldn't help," Carlisle shook his head sadly. "There's nothing I can--"

"Not Bell-ah!" The scream shook the walls around us, and Carlisle was at my side quickly.

"His heart's stopping-- we have to go--"

"His heart's stopping?!" The fight had me in hysterics, but that one little revelation was about to send me over the edge.

"Yes, Bella_-- we have to go--"_

I lurched forward unexpectedly, placing my head against Edward's chest. The faint rhythm of his heart was slow and dying. I choked back a sob as it grew steadily worse. Edward placed a hand on my head softly, stroking my hair for but a moment before I was off the ground, trapped in an unfamiliar, cold embrace.

"Now, Bella." I never heard such an edge to Carlisle's voice that it frightened me.

As he quickly took me out of the room, all I could hear were Edward's calls of, "Not Bella! Not Bella!"

We were back in that unfamiliar room in seconds. "I have to do this quickly-- I need to get back to Edward," Carlisle seemed overwhelmed at the moment, his eyes scanning the room quickly. "Lie down," he demanded, pulling a chair up beside the couch. He rolled the sleeves of his shirt up and took a deep breath, steadying himself.

"I'm going to have to bite your neck, wrists, and ankles, Bella-- I believe that the more venom in you, the quicker the transformation." He sounded tired as he spoke, grabbing tools out of his bag. "I'm going to clean off the blood and make sure you are all right. I will alternate between your room and Edward's." I nodded slowly, showing I understood. "Roll up your sleeves and pantlegs for me, quickly," he added, going stiff for a moment; listening. "I can barely hear his heart."

I didn't need to be told twice. When my wrists and ankles were well-exposed, I laid back on the couch and watched him with wary eyes. I wanted to yell at him-- this information would've been helpful to know before I subjected my husband to this torture. I wanted to berate him over and over for fooling me like this. Hadn't he told me so calmly that everything was going to be okay? As much as I wanted to speak, my mouth was dry as I suddenly felt his cool breath on my neck. "Hold still," he muttered. I froze in my position, waiting with my eyes tightly shut. Suddenly, something sharp was piercing my skin. The razors that were so swiftly cutting into my neck were both bitterly cold and flaming hot at the same time.

Suddenly, his presence was gone at my neck, and I knew nothing more than pain. I vaguely understood that the piercing scream filling the air was mine. All I knew was pain. **Pain**_. Pain._ Pain. The razors were at my right wrist-- biting through the cast that securely held it together --then just as quickly at my left. Down to each ankle, the cast on my left leg barely obstructing their attack on me.

I. Want. To. Die. My brain processed, screaming the words loudly. I didn't realize that the words had also left my lips before Carlisle's voice broke my train of thought, "I'll be back, Bella."

He was gone, then, and I was left alone in this black world of pain. It would be hard to put into the words the kind of pain I was in. To say that it felt like a thousand knives stabbing me at once would be too kind; it felt like my blood was replaced with gasoline, and my heart was a flaming match-- igniting my entire body in a forest fire to rival anything California's ever seen. At the same time, my blood felt like it was replaced with broken glass-- like the very thing that kept me alive as a human was now scratching and tearing at my insides. At the same time, I felt like I was being crushed under the weight of the world; like God had put the entire planet on my chest, and he was jumping up and down on top. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, but I could definitely feel.

Agony_. Pain._ Anguish_. Pain._ Hurt_. Pain._ Torment_. Pain._ Torture_. Pain._

Death would be too sweet at this point. Sleep would be too easy at this point. Yet I could do neither.

Fire. **Pain**. Burning. **Pain**. Slicing. **Pain**. Stabbing. **Pain**. Crushing. **Pain**.

I would kill a man for just a hit of morphine. For the slightest release from this hell I was being subjected to. What had I gotten myself into?

Edward. Pain. Josh. Pain. Charlie. Pain. Renee. Pain. Elizabeth. Pain.

I lost focus, and was unable to think of anything other than how sweet it would have been to have simply died in that crash with Josh. To just be able to escape everything with the prospects of eternal rest. But as the fire continued to burn, my thoughts turned towards the eternal consciousness I would endure instead. I let my thoughts escape me as the pain intensified around my body, leaning my head back and letting out an ear-spitting scream.

_

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_Liked it? Hated it? Let me have it-- in a REVIEW!_

Thank you to all who replied for last chapter! You are all so freaking awesome, and you have no idea how much your spectacular reviews help me get these updates out faster.

Next week's update will finish off the transformations, and everyone's favorite undead couple will face the first of many, many complications to come. The song for the chapter has yet to be selected, but here's a bit of a sneak peek:

_People were speaking around me, but my own obnoxious screams were drowning out any conversations that I would have been able to hear otherwise. My heart was slowing, now, at an unbelievably fast rate. Each resounding beat thumped against my aching chest, and at this point, I wanted it to stop. I hoped, stupidly, that if it stopped, so would the pain._

_The people quieted, now, their voices low hums as my screams also quieted. My mouth was dry and my throat hurt-- I had lost my voice, and therefore any ability to voice the agony I was feeling. I wanted to cry, but my eyes just burned as if I was about to-- not even tears could comfort me._

_Suddenly, I was wrapped into a cold, unfamiliar embrace. The ice of his skin was heaven to my own fevered body, and I pressed myself up against him with a soft, strangled sigh. I felt the body holding me stiffen, and my back vibrated as a growl escaped him. "I don't care," my love spat at Carlisle-- standing only a few feet away with a wary expression on his face, "if the thirst kills me-- I'm not leaving her."_


	7. Traffic Light

Disclaimer: "Traffic Light" belongs to The Ting Tings, a band I just recently found. They're awesome-- check 'em out!

**Author's Note:** Again-- _thank you so much _for all of your reviews! They are just so-freaking-awesome!

**Clarifications:** Some concerns were brought up in some reviews for last chapter. Here's all the details I can give without giving away too much:

**Time:** This is set in the present-- as in, like 2008.

**Other Couples:** Every single character-- okay, at least from the Cullen family --will make an appearance in this story. I can't promise you Jake/Billy/La Push Pack, but I can promise that Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Esme will be in this story. If you want to know _when_, just remember their order of appearance in the Cullen family history.

**Point-of-View(s):** This is a two-part story. The first fifteen chapters or so will be told ONLY from Bella's point-of-view, and the rest will be told from Edward's point-of-view. This story-- believe it or not --has a plot beyond this tragedy, and I'm (slowly but surely) getting there.

**"Super"powers: **I'll let this chapter speak for itself. If you're still confused, the Q&A session that will be the next chapter will (hopefully) clear things up for everyone.

Thanks for hanging in there--

Enjoy!

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Frostbite  
Chapter Seven: Traffic Light

_don't you be a traffic light  
with all things said  
you turn to red  
don't you be a traffic light_

_don't you be a round-a-bout  
not another round-a-bout  
we've come this far  
yet back to the start  
don't you be a round-a-bout_

_oh now baby don't miss read the signs  
if you turn the key then things will turn out fine_

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Time passed. I couldn't tell how much time had gone by, and how much time was left. What I'm sure could only be a few hours, felt like eternity. Every second mocked me; every hour tortured me. The pain was going from unbearable to unimaginable to impossible. As my throat dried and my screams idled, I was able to process that there were people in the room. Yet as I licked my lips and ground my teeth to keep from screaming, I was unable to continue processing the information. As soon as my tongue was wet again, I no longer had a reason to hold back.

They were speaking around me, but my own obnoxious screams were drowning out any conversations that I would have been able to hear. My heart was slowing, now, at an unbelievably fast rate. Each resounding beat thumped against my aching chest, and at this point, I wanted it to stop. I hoped, stupidly, that if it stopped, so would the pain.

The people quieted, now, their voices low hums as my screams also quieted. My mouth was dry and my throat hurt-- I had lost my voice, and therefore any ability to voice the agony I felt. I wanted to cry, but my eyes just burned as if I was about to-- not even tears could comfort me.

Suddenly, I was wrapped into a cold, unfamiliar embrace. The ice of his skin was heaven to my own fevered body, and I pressed myself up against him with a soft, strangled sigh. I felt the body holding me stiffen, and my back vibrated as a growl escaped him. "I don't care," my love spat at Carlisle-- standing only a few feet away with a wary expression on his face, "if the thirst _kills_ me-- I'm not leaving her."

Carlisle didn't even have to say anything before Edward replied, "I can handle it. I _will_ handle it. She needs me now more than I need anything else in this world." There was a small period of silence, and I felt him lightly press his cold, hard lips to my hair. "Fine, fine. I'll compromise."

Carlisle wasn't speaking, that much I knew. I whimpered as Edward moved me, cradling me in his arms. "I'm not going to break her," he argued, growling again. "I can handle my strength-- _yes_, _even with my temper_." I could almost hear his eyes rolling, and I pressed my hot, aching body against his. "Don't pretend you know me by Bella's judgement. She's awfully biased," Edward muttered darkly, mumbling something so quietly I couldn't hear him. I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt my heart slow down significantly. Edward's breathing seemed to stop all together.

**_Thump_.**

_Thump_.

Thump.

Nothing.

I gasped, shooting upwards and hitting my head off the roof of Carlisle's car. I couldn't remember even going outside, let alone being put in the backseat of his car. Edward's cold arms wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me down so that my head was laying on his lap. He was playing with my hair-- an innocent action, in itself, but his earlier comment about strength frightened me about the possibilities that could happen if he touched something more... _breakable_. The pain was dulling, slightly, but not completely going away. I was confused-- was it ending? Was I finally ending the 'worst part' as Carlisle kept calling it?

"Carlisle says it'll all be over in just a few more minutes, Bells," his voice was in my ear, his breath dancing across my face. I nodded as best as I could-- relaying the message that I understood. He moved away from me again.

"Carlisle's. Not. Talking." I grunted each word a few moments in between the previous words. I felt Edward stiffen beneath me, before Carlisle's calming voice floated back to me.

"Not necessarily loud enough for you to hear, Bella," he said evenly, yet Edward didn't seem to relax. "My apologies." He cleared his throat, before starting up again. "You've finished the worst part of the transformation. Now your body is merely going to heal itself."

"We. Going?" It wasn't what I had wanted to say at all-- it was missing a few words before and after it, but it was all I was able to ground out in between my howls of pain.

"Hunting, apparently," Edward offered distractedly. I tried to meet his gaze, but he was adamantly looking out the window.

"Love." I murmured, grabbing his shirt as another wave of pain tore through my body. My head fell back with another scream as the casts around my arms and legs broke off on their own accord. My body was healing itself. I finally understood Carlisle's words, though I was still drowning in my disbelief. "Love," I tried again when I had the chance, cursing myself and my inability to say what I really wanted to say. _**I **love you. I love **you**. I **love **you. **I love you.** _My mind was chanting at him, my eyes desperately trying to seek out his own. I wanted nothing more than to see those beautiful green eyes dancing with his adoration for me. I was met with a startling, frightening pair of ruby-red eyes.

"Love, Bella?" He was confused, that much I could tell, and reluctant. He saw me recoil when his eyes met mine, so he turned his face away again, staring out the window. "Yours will be red, too." He muttered bitterly at me, his hand ceasing to play with my hair. Instead it went up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"I." I started, breaking off suddenly. He looked back down at me, and I relaxed as soon as his gaze met mine. "Don't. _Care_." His features softened at that point, his eyes going from a menacing sort of stare to a stare I could remember. The love and adoration in his eyes made it easier for me to continue: "I. _Love_. You."

So swiftly that I barely had time to notice his movements, he had raised me up so that I was sitting on his lap, my face even with his. "I love you, too, beautiful," he murmured, gently grasping my head in his hands and bringing his lips to mine swiftly. The pain seemed to dull as his cold, hard lips moved against my burning ones. His kiss was still hesitant, though, and I was anything but. My hands wrapped around his neck on their own accord, my hands shoving themselves in his bronze hair. He pulled away gently, his forehead resting against mine. "My beautiful, beautiful Bella." Slowly, he pulled away, but only to place feather-soft kisses to my entire face, and I was glad to have my Edward back.

It took me a few moments-- and, to my credit, I was _thoroughly_ distracted at that point --to realize that the pain was completely gone. Three days of torture, just over in the blink of an eye. My mouth was still dry-- the back of my throat was killing me for some reason. I voiced this thought outloud, and Carlisle nodded.

"You're thirsty," he said solemnly. "Don't worry-- we're almost to my favorite hunting spot. There will be lots of different things you can try, there-- big game, little game..." He trailed off, and I was frozen in my spot for a moment. He really didn't think I would be able to kill something, would he?

"Are the guns in the trunk?" I asked, curiously. Carlisle's laughter threw me off for a moment, and I looked at Edward. His eyes were closed and he had a grimace on his face.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella-- we won't need guns." My mouth dropped open as I stared at him. "Your instincts will take over, and you'll know exactly what to do."

I tried to picture myself breaking bears' necks with my bare hands, but I couldn't seem to do it. Instead, I was reminded of the one period in college-- after a particularly gruesome, regulated biology class --where I had decided to become a vegetarian because of the horrible treatment of animals. To think that I was going from one extreme to the other seemed more and more unsettling as the car ride persisted on. "Oh," I managed to mumble at Carlisle a few moments late. The conversation had ended by then, and I was just coming across as awkward at this point. My mind was racing with a million questions.

"How often are we going to have to do this?" Edward whispered, his eyes staring out the window, now.

"Depends on how well you both deal with the thirst," Carlisle explained evenly. Suddenly, the tires squealed as he came to a sudden stop. "We're here," he said brightly, jumping out of the car. He moved towards the forest, and I wondered if he was giving us some alone time. I looked at Edward, who was staring at me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, and it felt like that was all I was able to say recently. "I-I..."

"Bella, love," Edward started, watching me carefully. "I'm not saying that I can completely understand your motives for... for _this_," he gestured between himself and myself, his red eyes avoiding my own, "but what I am saying is that I'm willing to accept anything you will tell me. I-I suppose that as long as we're together," he was struggling with some internal battle, and I wanted nothing more than to take this burden off of his shoulders, "everything should be fine."

"But, Josh--"

"Let's not talk about that now-- please." It sounded as if Edward was in physical pain, and at the mere mention of our son. I leaned against him, my head fitting nicely in the crook of his neck. He shifted his arms around me, opened the door, and carried me from the car.

"I love you," I whispered, reaching upwards so that my lips were in his ear. He bent his head down and placed a sweet kiss to my neck.

"Not nearly as much as I love you," he responded, setting me down beside him as he approached Carlisle. He visibly tensed when he stopped at Carlisle's side, and I was beyond puzzled by his action. "Yes," Edward murmured to a question I hadn't heard. "See you then," he said after, and I watched Edward take off into the woods.

"Where is he--?"

"I had time, while you were changing, to explain the hunting process to Edward. He requested that he be able to go off by himself-- he didn't want you to have to witness it," Carlisle supplied helpfully. "Listen to me, Bella," he started off into the woods, and I followed dutifully behind. He stopped about a mile in, and I realized we had gotten there in mere seconds, despite the fact that we had both been walking. "I want you to close your eyes, now," he said softly, and although I was hesitant, I obeyed him. "Take in a deep breath-- through your nose."

It was like I was hit by a bus. As I took in a deep breath, scents filled me-- not the normal, musty scent of a forest either. It wasn't pine or dew that I was smelling. I smelt a wolf, sweating on a rock about fifty feet to my right. There was a herd of deer grazing in a small meadow directly in front of me. To the north was a grizzly bear, just waking up. I could smell every bird flying above me, and every single chipmunk within a ten mile radius. The flowers were potent around me, the dew was attacking my senses, and the fresh air was making my head spin. I opened my eyes as my jaw went slack. My mouth fell open as I stared at Carlisle.

"Intimidating, isn't it?" He said softly, smiling at me. "Keep your eyes closed. Keep breathing."

I obeyed again, smelling the wolf begin to trot; I could hear his footsteps on the forest floor. The herd of deer remained oblivious as the wolf slowly approached them. Carlisle's voice was a distant humming as I took everything in. Two squirrels were having a private moment in a tree, a mile to my right. To my left, only a few feet away, a chipmunk had given birth to a litter. My mouth was suddenly full of this disgusting, cold liquid. I turned to Carlisle, my eyes still closed. He was breathing silently-- or, silently to a human, I suppose --to my left. He had placed a hand on my shoulder, making me pay attention to his words. "Give in to your senses, Bella. Let your instincts take hold-- _hunt_."

And I was gone-- flying through the forest like a bat out of hell. I barely had time to recognize the fact that I was running without falling. The deer were a mere blur to me as I passed them, my focus aimed on something bigger. Something warmer-- something that smelled so divine that I couldn't think of anything but it. The wolf barely had time to react before I was on top of it, my teeth ripping at his throat. He didn't have time to howl in pain; he didn't have time to run away. His sweet, delicious blood was filling my mouth-- filling my stomach. I felt complete again.

When the warm, delicious blood stopped flowing, I dropped his body suddenly. I was still crouched low to the ground, my senses going wild. Further south was a large mountain lion, laying out in the sun. The venom started to fill my mouth again, and I smiled to myself. I took off.

I was down in the position to pounce when a blur of white suddenly flashed out in front of me, taking my prey from me. I growled, the sound low in my throat, as I watched the other being tackle the lion to the ground. I crouched lower, about to attack the one who had interrupted me, when I stopped. His bronze hair had distracted me, taking me quickly from my primal, animalistic state, to reality. I looked down at my clothes-- the white shirt I was wearing was stained with dried blood. My hands and forearms were also covered. I tenatively reached a hand to my face, only to find more blood there.

Twigs snapped and my head jerked forward. Edward was staring at me, the dead body of the mountain lion limp at his feet, "Bells?" He questioned me quietly, reaching a hand out towards me. I did the only thing I could think of; I ran. I ran far and fast and without a second thought. What had I done? What had I _lowered_ us to? Surely he would've prefered death-- surely he wouldn't have wanted _this_. _I_ didn't want this. I didn't want to be this-this _monster_ of a being.

I hadn't realized where I was going, so I was caught by surprise when I was tackled to the ground, the resonating sound reverberating off the trees. It was like two boulders collided with each other. I thrashed against the person holding me, panting out a frantic mantra of "no, no, no", but I was having little success. The person was sitting on my stomach, holding my hands above my head with one arm. I felt a hand pulling at my chin, and I was suddenly met with my husband's red eyes. Only now they held a slight gold towards the outside edge-- merely flecks of the butterscotch that I had seen in Carlisle's eyes.

"Bella," his tone was warning as his eyes bore into mine. "What. The. _Hell_?"

"Just let me go, Edward, just-- please, just let me go," I whimpered pathetically, stupidly wishing that I could cry. "I-I understand if you don't want me anymore, really-- just let me go. I-I won't make a fuss..." My eyes were glancing at everything-- _anything_ --other than his eyes. He shook my head with his hand.

"Look at me," he demanded. "Isabella Marie Masen-- _look at me_!" I swallowed, the venom causing my throat to dry up. I was still thirsty, but I pushed the feeling aside. I had to focus on my beautiful husband-- I had to listen. This was far more important than the monster within me. When my eyes met his, I flinched. I couldn't help it. The anger and sadness in his eyes frightened me. He softened up immediately, offering me his crooked smile-- the smile I fell in love with. "I will _always_ want you. I will _always_ love you," his voice was so reverent, so sickeningly sweet that I melted at his words. "I will _never_ leave you, my beautiful Isabella." My name sounded so sweet on his lips, and I had to look away. "But if _you_ want to go-- who am I to stop you?"

I shook my head quickly, my eyes burning. "No!" I said loudly, and I had to look away in embarrassment. If I could blush, I would be. "No-- _no_, I don't want to leave you. Never again, Edward-- please. Don't scare me like that ever again." My voice was rushed and slurred, my tone nothing more than a whisper, but I knew he heard. He looked confused.

"I scared you with the mountain lion?" I shook my head.

"You- you know what I meant," I broke a single hand free from his iron grip, reaching up to delicately stroke his cheekbone. "Edward, I was so afraid I was going to lose everything I had left in this world." My hand was in his hair, now, and I was relishing in the silky texture. "And-and that's... that's why I had to do this to us. I've damned us both, but I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I don't feel guilty."

Suddenly, his lips were on mine, moving frantically as if he had to translate something from words to actions. My hands were lost in his hair, while his settled on my hips. I hadn't kissed him like this in a very long time, and I was welcome to the memory. I could have gone on for eternity, if Carlisle hadn't made his presence known a few minutes later. "I should have known," he sighed dramatically, playfully leaning against the tree. Edward growled.

"Not funny," he huffed, getting up and offering me a hand. "No, I haven't told her," he said afterwards, when I was at his side. He wrapped an arm around my waist and held me close. "I was waiting for you," he supplied after another moment. I looked between the two of them, thoroughly confused.

"What haven't you told--"

"Are you still thirsty?" Carlisle cut in quickly, pushing off against the tree and moving towards us. I looked down at my feet sheepishly.

"Yes," I murmured. Edward chuckled, and I sent him a look.

"I distracted her," he supplied for Carlisle after a moment, and they both shared a laugh. I growled, deep in my throat, as I watched the two of them. Finally, I pushed away from Edward and took off again, but this time I had a purpose.

I returned to them an hour or so later, having thoroughly fed on the wildlife of the forest. Edward and Carlisle seemed to be having a silent conversation, and they stopped as soon as they were both aware of my presence. Edward stood up and was at my side in an instant, kissing my forehead and holding me close. "Feeling better?" He said softly, and I nodded into his chest. "Good," he ammended, pulling me towards Carlisle. He smiled at the two of us.

"This way-- back to the car," he pointed straight in front of him before he took off-- a white blur in the green abyss. Edward and I were at his heels, hand in hand as we darted between trees and jumped over rocks. It amazed me how someone as clumsy as I used to be could become as graceful as I was now. We were at the car in seconds, once more taking out positions on the backseat; Edward sitting up, my head on his lap. "Would you prefer to wait until we get home, or would you like to bombard me with your questions now?"

"I'd like to wait," I whispered, closing my eyes as Edward played with my hair. This moment was too perfect, that I didn't want a bunch of unimportant questions to ruin it. All that mattered to me was that I was alive-- figuratively speaking --and so was my husband. As the car rolled on and my thoughts turned to Josh, I thanked whatever powers that be that Carlisle and Edward had let it drop. I wanted to at least be in a place where I could escape when I had to have that conversation.

I just needed to figure out _how _to have it.

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Liked it? Hated it? Let me have it-- in a REVIEW!

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Did I bore you with all that description? I'm a dialogue-centric person myself, so I'm kind of proud that I was able to put all that in there.

Song for next chapter is still undecided, but here's your **sneak peak**:

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_I couldn't stop it. Word vomit, I think it's called. Either way you wanted to put it, the words that should have been reworded carefully before ever leaving my mouth were blurted out for all to hear. "**You can do what**?!" Shoot. I've probably scared him. I've probably made him think I hate him-- that I think he's a freak. Am I a freak? Holy crow, is this really happ--_

_"I can read minds, Bella," Edward was quiet when he finally replied to my blunt statement. He was regarding me carefully, as if I was going to break down right then and there. As if I was going to spontaneously combust whenever he told me that--_

_Holy hell. I have to stop thinking. "**What**?" _

_And speaking. Apparently, I wasn't very good at either._

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	8. Iris

**Disclaimer: **"Iris" belongs to The Goo Goo Dolls, not mine.

**Author's Note:** Thanks for all the reviews! You guys are so-freaking-awesome! I'm going to keep this author's note short because the one at the bottom's a doozy.

Enjoy!

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Frostbite  
Chapter Eight: Iris

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now_

And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

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"Carlisle," the words were hushed as he pulled into the now-familiar drive to the large white house on the outskirts of Forks. His eyes met mine in the rear-view mirror and I sighed. "Would you mind if Edward and I talked privately... _before_ we talk to you?"

"Of course," he relented, parking right in front of the house. "I'll be inside when you're ready."

He was gone before I could blink, and I sighed. I sat up, pushing myself to the other side of the car. Edward was staring at me, and I felt suddenly and horribly self-conscious. I wrapped my arms around me, folding them neatly over my chest as I debated on how to start this conversation. Before I could even form the apology on my lips, he had interrupted me, "Don't." It was simple, yet harsh in the stagnant silence. I flinched involuntarily, and he sighed. "Just... _please _stop apologizing."

"Edward, I--" I choked on my emotions; the emotions that I couldn't express in the heart-wrenching sobs that were overtaking my body. No tears could fall down my cheeks, yet I could still sob. I placed my head in my hands and heaved as they just kept coming. He made no move to comfort me, not even a reassuring hand on my shoulder. He kept his distance, his eyes watching my every move. Calculating-- reading me, like he always attempted to do. He understood that any contact he had with me would make it worse.

So as my silent sobs slowed and came to a sudden stop, I cleared my throat again and tried once more. "Edward, you have to at least... understand..." I took a deep, unnecessary breath. "I woke up three days after the car accident. Three days of horrible, painful ignorance and only to wake up and discover that my little boy-- my beautiful baby boy --was dead. Flew through the windshield because I couldn't keep him in his seat. _I couldn't put on his seatbelt._" I shuddered, holding myself tightly as I continued. The memories of Elizabeth laying broken in the seat next to me attempted to flood my mind, but I shook my head to keep them out. That wasn't my fault, this situation on the other hand...

No. I wasn't going to think about that.

My eyes moved from staring blankly at my hands to up at his face, before they fell down again. I bit my lip and continued, "And-- as if that hadn't been enough to make me have the breakdown of all breakdowns... I was then told that the reason I was living-- the love of my life --was lying unconscious with _little hope of ever waking up_..." I took in another large, deep breath. I had to keep going. He had to understand. "I-I lost it. Edward, you were all I had left, and I begged Carlisle to do everything in his power--" I laughed humorlessly to myself "--but I didn't know that it meant he would reduce us to _this_." I gestured between myself and him, the blood on my hands only adding to the self-loathing I felt. "You have to believe me-- I didn't know. I didn't know, and by the time he told me, I didn't care. I didn't care, Edward, because I love you too much to just let you go. We have eternity together, now. Just like we always said we would."

This time, he held me. He picked me up in his arms and held me as if I was going to break if he let me go. His hands were knotted into my hair, his lips at the top of my head. "You've gone through so much," he said softly. "And I don't think I can even grasp at the idea of what you're going through." He paused to place a soft kiss to my hair, holding me tighter to his chest. He sighed, playing with my hair for a moment, temporarily distracting himself before he continued, "But you-you have to understand, Bella. I-I... I barely have a memory of what Josh even looked like."

"What do you mean?"

"Bella-- I hit my head. Hard. I was in a coma-- almost completely unresponsive." He was grinding his teeth together, as if trying to contain his anger. I flinched at the sound; it wasn't at all pleasant, nor was it helping me relax. He held me tighter. "I wake up in this-this... _pain_. This horrible, indescribable _pain_... only to come out of it to see you in worse pain, Bella. Then-- _then_ I had to find out that my only son is dead? And that I have no chance of having another?" I felt his body shudder at the very thought, and my heart tightened in my chest. "Bella. I can't even remember what he looked like. What he sounded like. How he laughed and smiled. And I have no hope of ever knowing."

"What do you mean?"

"Bella, think about it," he said softly. "Technically speaking, we're dead."

"Yes?"

"...but our son," he said slowly, as if trying to put it best, "is actually dead."

"I-I don't understand."

"Bella. Our souls are already gone," he whispered to me, his nose buried in my hair. "We have no chance of ever seeing Josh again-- ever."

I pushed away from him, moving back to the other side of the car. My eyes were wide as I stared into his. He looked so lost-- so broken --so vulnerable. I choked back a sob as I fought to get my door open. "Bella-- Bella, _wait_," he was pleading, but I was gone. I threw open the door and bolted for the front door. Carlisle was sitting in the front room, on the couch, waiting. I couldn't even look at him, but I had no where else to go. I turned to run back outside-- to just run as far away from here as possible --but suddenly I was in Edward's arms again. His hold on me was so tight, that had I not been inhuman, I would've broken right in half. "Stop-- just listen to me."

"I did, Edward, I did," I sobbed, gripping his shirt. I buried my face in his chest and continued with my tearless sobs, "and it's all my fault, Edward. It's all my fault." I couldn't seem to stop repeating myself, but I was so wrapped up in my own misery that I couldn't find the strength to care. He just held me tighter, burying his nose into my hair. "But I'm not sorry."

He tensed, and that only made me cry harder. "Can't you see it, Edward?" I tried to push myself away-- to look him in the eye so that he could see my reasoning. With every futile attempt, he just gripped me tighter. I gave up, letting myself fall into his tight embrace. "I couldn't have lived without you. I couldn't have moved on without you. I wouldn't have just stopped existing. I would have stopped _living_, Edward." He still was as tense as ever as he held me, but I managed to keep going. "You and Josh were my life. If you both went-- so my life would have followed."

"Don't. Say. That."

Suddenly, I was being held at an arm's distance away, his hands gripping my shoulders firmly. His light red eyes were glaring at me, sending shivers down my spine. "You would've moved on, Bella-- you would have found someone better than me, Bella, and you would have moved on."

"There's no one else, Edward!" How could he not see that? How could he not understand how absolutely perfect he was for me? How beautiful he made me feel? How much hope he put in my heart? "There will _never_ be anyone else, Edward-- you are my one and only. My one-shot. My soulmate-- my mate in general. It's you, Edward. It will only ever be _you_."

In that moment-- in that short, miniscule of a moment --I saw something I never wanted to see in his eyes, and I just about died all over again. The regret that was so plainly coming from him stabbed me harder in the heart than any of the pain from the transformation. In a flash, though, it was gone and his lips were on mine. The regret had been replaced with such longing that I melted. My body betrayed my mind, and I melted into his touch, relishing in the feeling of his lips moving so beautifully against mine.

He pulled away, moments later, panting heavily. He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he said it so softly, but it wasn't meant for my ears. He was staring over my shoulder, at the ever-patient Carlisle. "That was rude of us. We've kept you waiting."

Carlisle didn't answer, he just shrugged and offered us both a warm, welcoming smile. Edward started chuckling, and I was confused. Had he really just interrupted such a romantic, heart-wrenching moment to apologize to someone who wasn't even angry? "No, it doesn't happen often," Edward offered after a moment.

"What doesn't happen often?"

"We don't fight often," he said softly, leading me towards the couch. I sat down, confused, and he sat down on the opposite side of the couch. The distance between us was painful.

"So, Bella, Edward," Carlisle said after a moment. "Where would you like me to start?"

"How does Edward answer questions that have never been said?" There it was-- the incessant rambling that I couldn't stop if I tried. I needed to somehow develop the patience to think things through before I--

"I can read minds."

--say them. Because, really-- wait a minute. What the hell had Edward just said?

I couldn't stop it. Word vomit, I think it's called. Either way you wanted to put it, the words that should have been reworded carefully before ever leaving my mouth were blurted out for all to hear. "You can do _what_?!" Shoot. I've probably scared him. I've probably made him think I hate him-- that I think he's a freak. Am _I _a freak? Holy crow, is this really happ--

"I can read minds, Bella," Edward was quiet when he finally replied to my blunt statement. He was regarding me carefully, as if I was going to break down right then and there. As if I was going to spontaneously combust whenever he told me that--

Holy hell. I have to stop thinking. "_What_?"

And speaking. Apparently, I wasn't very good at either.

Carlisle interjected before I could do more damage, and before Edward could get frustrated. "Edward seems to have been... _blessed _with an ability," he said it quickly, as if the faster he talked, the faster it would register in my mind. I tore my eyes away from Edward-- hesitantly --to stare at Carlisle. "I have another theory. You see, it seems possible that perhaps a person's best traits are simply magnified when they undergo the transformation."

"You were always good at reading everyone," I offered Edward, and he returned with a small, hesitant smile.

"Almost everyone," he said softly, turning back to Carlisle, who was staring at him curiously. "Yes, I suppose I might have cared a bit too much about what everyone thought. Yes. Except for her." He glanced, briefly, in my direction.

Now I understood what was going on-- Edward and Carlisle were having a private, quiet conversation. I could only hear Edward's replies to whatever Carlisle had asked. I glowered at the two of them, attempting to cut in with a vehement, _Stop doing that, it's rude!_

Edward ignored me, however, and replied to Carlisle, "I don't know what that means. She was always so-- surprising."

_Hey-- hey, listen to me, now, Edward! It's not fair that I can't hear what Carlisle's saying!_

"Of course it bothers me-- I've always wanted to know what she's been thinking!"

_At least repeat what he says for my benef-- what?_

"You can't hear me?"

Edward was finally distracted from Carlisle's thoughts by turning to me with a curious look on his face. "Wasn't it obvious?" He crossed his arms over his chest and raised a single brow as he continued to look at me. "I mean-- of all the people in the world that I couldn't hear their thoughts... isn't it just a bit ironic that it's my wife? I've always wanted to know what you were thinking-- and I guess I'll only ever know what you tell me."

"Well. Thank God."

He laughed, then, and I was happy that the torn look that had been on his face was lost to mirth. His red eyes sparkled, but not nearly as much or as well as his green eyes used to. Besides our son, his eyes were going to be the thing I'd miss the most from our past life. He shook his head and looked at Carlisle.

"I'll stop our silent conversations around you, Bella," he said softly, and I nodded appreciatively.

"Wait-- how do you know that you can't just hear Carlisle's thoughts?"

"I wondered the same thing myself, Bella," Carlisle nodded, turning to look at Edward. "Unfortunately, we won't be able to find out for another year or so. At least not until you both have a bit more control of your thirst. We can't risk innocent lives for an... experiment."

Edward snorted, and I looked at him. He sent me a look before he gestured between the two of us. "What would you call us?"

I was quiet for a moment, not sure how I was supposed to answer that. I bit my lip and looked at Carlisle, who seemed to be sending Edward some stern thoughts. In all the time I had spent with Carlisle, I had never seen him look so... angry. Edward held up two hands in a mock-surrender, and I wanted to ease the tension.

"So... what did I bring into this... new life?" I was desperate to know if I had a power like Edward's. So far, nothing really extraordinary had happened, save the fact that I was somehow immune to Edward's gift.

"That's still an unanswered question, Bella," Carlisle turned away from Edward. "Edward can't seem to pinpoint just one good trait you could've brought with you, and am I correct in assuming that you don't feel any different? No unusual feelings or other things you can't explain?"

"No," I shook my head with a sigh. Carlisle shrugged.

"Then time will tell." It was such a final statement, and I couldn't help but notice that it covered everything-- my (failing?) relationship with Edward, my lack of a power, and how well I was going to adjust to this vampire situation. I continued to chew on my lower lip as I thought.

"Are we staying in Forks?"

"For the time being." Carlisle sighed, his eyebrows furrowing. "When we do move-- in a couple of weeks --we're going to need a back-up story. Something seamless, so that our position doesn't raise too many eyebrows."

"Position?" I asked, and Edward answered for Carlisle.

"He thinks it will be a bit suspicious that three grown-adults still live together, because we all look a little old to still be having roommates." I nodded, comprehending what he was saying. "He thinks that he and I could possibly pass as brothers," Edward nodded, understanding. "And you, of course, would still be my wife."

"So, why are the two Cullen brothers living under one roof?" I had assumed that Edward and I would take on Carlisle's last name-- things may get suspicious if someone were to discover that Edward and Bella Masen were a part of a fatal car crash, or if-- heaven forbid --my parents tried to find us.

"It could be something as simple as I am going through a bitter divorce-- and my wife got the house. I'm going through a rough patch, and I'm living with you two until I can get a place of my own," Carlisle shrugged. "We'll be staying with other vampires-- we don't need a backstory until we try to re-enter the mortal world. We'll have plenty of time to come up with a flawless one."

"What about our belongings?" Edward asked after a short lull in the conversation.

"I can bring back anything you'd like from your house tomorrow," Carlisle offered with a smile. "Just tell me what you would like." He seemed hesitant to say something, his eyes moving from mine to meet Edward's. Edward gave a stiff nod before Carlisle spoke outloud for my benefit. "You know, I was thinking this was going to be more of a... informational conversation."

"I don't understand--"

"I was half-expecting to get bombarded with questions about vampires-- not personal belongings and backstories."

"Oh." Yet again, my brilliant articulation never ceased to amaze me. I looked down at my shoes, gripping my sides tighter as I continued to think. I did have a couple questions, but they were all so minor... so miniscule... so entirely unimportant that they weren't even worth mentioning. Like Carlisle had said earlier, time will tell. I knew, however, that Edward's mind was much more complex. He had such a horrid habit of overthinking everything that I knew he had a million more questions than I could grasp. Carlisle only answered the questions outloud if I told him to. There were some things I just didn't want to know.

"Can we die?" Carlisle had explained that while we can't die necessarily-- we were, as Edward had so rightfully put it, "techinically dead" already. Instead, our bodies can be destroyed, but it's not easy. We would have to be... ripped apart and burned. I shuddered at the thought.

"Do we have souls?" I didn't want to know the answer to this one, but the tension that was radiating off of Edward was an answer enough. I hid my face in my hands as Carlisle's silent explanation tore me up to pieces. _It was all my fault._

I got up, excusing myself quietly. "I'm going to... explore the house?" It came out as a question, but Carlisle and Edward didn't even seem to notice that I was gone. I walked up the spiral staircase, taking my time and drawing out the process for as long as possible. The slower I did things, the slower I would have to face the facts. Edward's questions were still loud enough for me to hear, but I was so thankful that I didn't have to hear Carlisle's responses to any of them.

I came to the first door on the second floor-- Carlisle's study. I pushed it open hesitantly, but I gathered up the courage and walked inside confidently. I immediately strolled over to the bookshelf, wondering what kinds of books he had collected over his span of existence. My fingers idly traced the spines of the many volumes; some were in English, and others were in languages I didn't recognize. Latin? German? Italian? Occasionally I would pull one off the shelf and skim through the first few pages. Most of them were educational; medical journals or textbooks, that I held little interest in. I was sure he probably kept his novels in a completely different collection somewhere else in the massive mansion.

When the bookshelves lost my interest, I turned to his large mahogany desk. It would have been rude of me to snoop around, so I merely admired the fine craftmanship of the furniture. It truly was a beautiful piece of work. My fingers once more traced the small decorative carvings along the edges of the desk, my eyes scanning the room for something else to look at.

On the far wall-- where the door I had entered from was located --Carlisle seemed to have collected many impressive works of art. I stepped up to one of the more elaborate paintings, a portrait of sorts in bold colors, staring at the work. It was of four figures, lounging about casually, or as casually as one might be able to manage in the early eighteenth-century; the date of when the portrait was done was engraved on a simple golden name-plate, attatched to the exquisite frame.

"My friends from Italy."

I jumped, cursing myself for not paying closer attention to the movements of Edward and Carlisle. I turned to find them both behind me, Carlisle's face almost whimsical, while Edward's remained desolate. I turned back to the painting in question, only to realize that I recognized one of the men in the portrait. I raised a finger to the miniature likeness of Carlisle, not daring to touch the canvas, and Carlisle smiled. "Yes, that's me."

"Where else have you gone?" I asked, moving to gesture back towards his massive bookshelf. Carlisle's smile widened.

"Everywhere," he shrugged, moving to sit at his desk. "When all you have is an infinite amount of time on your hands, travel seems only rational-- it's too easy to get bored of the same place after decades of inhabitance."

Of course. That _would_ be the rational thought. I bit my lip, turning to stare at the other works of art.

"The one above it-- that's London during my youth."

"Which was when?" I pondered, staring at the dark, more morbid interpretation of the city.

"Late seventeenth century." I could still hear the smile in Carlisle's voice. I snorted.

"You lied to me, then." I continued my tour of Carlisle's little art gallery, trying to ignore just how silent Edward was remaining.

"Oh?" Carlisle seemed genuinely surprised that he might have lied to me. I turned back to him.

"Five hundred years of experience?" My tone was teasing without being mocking. His smile didn't falter; if anything, it grew.

"So I rounded up," he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Surely, you can understand how much more impressive half a millenia sounds in comparison to three hundred and thirty-odd years."

Edward couldn't remain silent after a comment like that. He began to chuckle, shaking his head slowly. "As if anything past a hundred years doesn't already sound impressive to a mere mortal," he joked, rolling his eyes as he relaxed into the couch. I smiled.

"Do you have friends in all the places you've visited?" I moved to occupy the chair right in front of his desk, assuming Edward didn't want me to get too close. Again, I attempted to focus all my attention to Carlisle and his story.

"Some are more friendly than others, but I do have... acquantances in most of the areas I've settled in," he wasn't telling me something, and I knew it. My quick glance at Edward-- whose posture was so stiff, I was afraid he'd break in half --confirmed my thoughts. Before I could investigate further, Carlisle had begun talking again. "The only true friends I have would be my friends in Italy," he raised a hand at the portrait on the back wall, "and another coven similar to ours in Denali, Alaska," he moved his hand to gesture to a different portrait. Only, it wasn't an exquistive painting, it was merely a picture on his desk.

"Similar to ours?"

"They don't drink human blood," Edward clarified for Carlisle, still not relaxing in his seat. I nodded, my throat feeling dry again. I looked up at Carlisle.

"I'm still thirsty?" I seemed to be speaking in questions as of late, but in all honesty, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to still be thirsty-- I had drained a wolf, a few deer, and a random rabbit. Shouldn't I be fit to bursting?

"A flaw of being a newborn," he said softly. "It's not uncontrollable-- yet. I think it will be safe to wait until tomorrow to go hunting again," he glanced briefly at Edward who nodded. "Good. Now-- onto your belongings. Should I just bring everything, sans the furniture?"

I shrugged my shoulders, as did Edward. Carlisle seemed to pick up that neither one of us wanted to talk much about our past life. He offered us a small smile. "We'll sell the house as well, under your name, of course. The money could transfer straight to an unknown, out-of-state account, so as not to raise suspicions."

We both shrugged again. Carlisle's smile was fading. "Would you like to pick out your room?"

"Sure," I said softly, hoping that I didn't upset him further. Edward nodded, moving towards the door, barely waiting for me. I sighed and followed him. "What rooms are what?"

"I don't have much, you see," Carlisle explained as I fell into step with him, Edward a little ways in front of us. "Just my study, the living room, and my own bedroom. It's all useless, really. Before you and Edward, I had little company to entertain," he gestured to the four or five rooms in the hallway. "The only reason I bought this house was because it was the farthest away from the town. It was the only one away from the town without landing myself of the reservation."

"That would be bad?" I asked casually, barely remembering any facts I might have known about the La Push reservation. Carlisle shrugged.

"It'd be a drive." He was keeping something from me, but I simply ignored it this time. We had the rest of eternity for Carlisle to fill me in. I turned my attention back to Edward.

"This one?" He asked, coming out of a room at the very end of the hall. Carlisle smiled and nodded.

"Sure-- I can order you any sort of furniture or decorations, or--"

"All I need is a couch and a stereo," Edward shrugged. "And my CD collection of course."

"Not going to bargain for a Grand Piano?" I joked, and Edward smiled. My dead heart almost beat again.

"Not yet," he teased right back. I was momentarily able to forget about our previous disagreements at the sound of his light laughter. The way his lips vibrated ever so subtly at the sound made the urge to kiss him so intense, I nearly dropped to the ground.

Stupid vampire senses. Making me strong _and_ weak at the same time.

Carlisle was gone, then, and I had barely noticed. "Edward," I sighed, moving towards him hesitantly. He noticed my hesitance and met me halfway, enclosing me in his tight embrace. "I love you, you know? Don't forget that."

"Never," he promised me.

"Can we... can we just... not forget the argument entirely," I started, pausing to bite my lip for only a moment before continuing, "but... just let it drop for a bit?"

"We do have forever to talk about it." He had meant it as a joke, surely, but the bitterness to his voice jolted me. He held me tighter, placing a soft kiss to my hair. "I love you too, Bella. Don't forget that, either."

"I couldn't possibly," I murmured into his chest. There was a faint splattering of blood on the front of his shirt. Ergh. I was equally gross. I had never been too girly when it came to clothes-- a simple tee shirt and a comfy pair of jeans were my only fashion staples --but I was never this... careless. How could I have not noticed how disgusting I was after my hunt?

Oh. I suppose I might have been a little distracted. What with Edward and I arguing and all.

"I need a shower," I interrupted the beautifully romantic moment. He chuckled, pulling himself away from me to glance down at himself.

"So do I," he relented. I looked at him with a wicked twinkle in my eye, and he smiled at me. He was gone and back in a moment, two towels in his hands, nodding his head in the direction of a door. I bit my lip in excitement, before turning to the bathroom and hurrying like hell to get inside.

* * *

_Liked it? Hated it? Let me have it-- in a REVIEW!_

_O_kay. There will be no smut in this story, but the mere mention of the act (whether before or after). That's how I'm able to keep this as a T, after all...

Before you review, you should know:

**Edward and Bella** are confused. They've both just recently woken up from the most painful experiences of their life-- both physically and emotionally.

**Edward** doesn't remember Josh. At all-- all he can remember is that he _had_ a son. Edward feels guilty for not being able to remember Josh, but he's also really angry because he figures he'll never see Josh again-- he believes that he and Bella no longer have souls.

**Bella** feels extremely guilty-- but not for changing them. Bella believes she made the right decision when it comes to that. She does, however, feel guilty because she feels like Josh's death was her fault, and she also believes that she's the reason Edward hates the world right now.

**In general: **Their love for each other is so strong that they are able to push arguements aside for a moment to focus on each other. I'm sorry if they seemed to flip-flop with their emotions in this chapter, but they're a little-- excuse my language --fucked up. Wouldn't you be if you were just recently turned into an undead, mythological creature?

Now. On for what you really want, the **sneak peek**:

* * *

_Carlisle was keeping something from me, and so was Edward. I was annoyed, frustrated and thirsty, and all I wanted to do was finally get some answers. The car drive to Carlisle's "favorite spot" was taking too long. Despite Edward's hands in my hair, I was not at all relaxed. The music playing softly from the radio wasn't helping matters much._

_"Carlisle."_

_"Yes, Bella?"_

_"Who was the other driver?" I finally asked the question I had been dying to ask since I regained consciousness in the hospital three weeks ago. _

_"Don't," Edward warned, but I ignored him. I pushed myself off of his lap and met Carlisle's eye in the rear-view mirror. Edward growled lowly, and I answered with a soft growl of my own. **Two can play that game, Mr. Masen.**_

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	9. When it Rains

**Disclaimer:**"When it Rains" belongs to Paramore.

**Author's Note:**So. It took me a little longer to update for a few reasons. The main was the smaller response to the last few chapters. I assumed that perhaps people didn't want to read it for fear of leaked spoilers. I had avoided the Internet right before Breaking Dawn for the same reason.

Also, it took me longer because I was avoiding the internet. I've had this chapter finished for at least a week, but I really didn't want to risk ruining the book for me.

Then, I had to read said book before I trusted myself to come on the Internet again.

So. Here I am, with an update! A totally spoiler-free update, by the way! So. Enjoy it!

* * *

Frostbite  
Chapter Nine: When it Rains

_And oh, oh, how could you do it?  
Oh I, I never saw it coming.  
Oh, oh, I need the ending.  
So why can't you stay  
Just long enough to explain?_

_And when it rains,  
Will you always find an escape?  
Just running away,  
From all of the ones who love you,  
From everything.  
You made yourself a bed  
At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)  
And you'll sleep 'til May  
And you'll say that you don't want to see the sun anymore_

* * *

The night seems longer when you can't sleep your way through it. Morning came in a slow, funeral march, killing the darkness. I was used to the mornings in Chicago; the sunlight streaming in through the open windows, waking me up earlier than necessary. In Forks, however, I was greeted with large, billowing grey clouds. The day barely seemed any lighter than the night. I turned in my snug embrace with Edward to stare at his eyes. He was watching me just as carefully, his red-gold eyes wary as they followed my movements. "Good morning," I offered with a kiss to his lips. I pulled away quickly to lean my head against his forehead. He smiled.

"Mornin'," he offered back, bending his head down to kiss my lips again. I snuggled closer to him, and he held me tight.

"When do you think he'll be back?" Carlisle had left early this morning-- about three o'clock, to be exact --to go to our house and pick up all of our things. I had no idea where he was putting them all, but as long as I had them, I suppose it didn't matter. I felt Edward shift in what I believed was a shrug.

"Soon, I think," he mumbled into my hair. "Bella, listen--"

"Not yet, please." I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to pull myself even tighter against him. I was tense and anxious and I really was not in the mood for that conversation. "Just... can we let it drop?"

"Let it drop," he mused out loud, and I flinched at the venom in his voice. "Sure, Bella-- _I'll let it drop_."

I pushed myself away from him, now, standing up. He sat up, still on the ground where we had spent the night together in simple silence and peace. I crossed to the other side of the room, pleading with him, "I don't want to argue with you, Edward, really I just want--"

"To forget about it?" He prompted. He placed his hands behind him, leaning back in a mocking sort of nonchalance. I bit my lip and looked at the ground. "To pretend it never happened? Sure, Bella-- let me forget my son just so we can have our happily ever after-- is that what you thought?" He stood up now, and was right in front of me. His movements were so quick that anyone else would've missed them in a blink of an eye. He was gripping my shoulders, holding me a distance away from him. "Is that what you thought would happen? Did you really think we could just move on and be happy? Our son is dead, Bella-- gone. Not coming back, and we're not coming to him." I stared down at my feet. I hated when we argued; I always have. We rarely did, but our breaks during college always started with a fight. "Do you even care?"

That was a low blow, and he knew it. "Ex_cuse_ me?" My voice was soft-- my dangerous voice, an old roommate had told me. I was easier to calm down when I was screaming-red-in-your-face angry, but it was hard to get me back to "calm" when I was already there. "How dare you, Edward," I still didn't want to look at him-- to completely ignore him would annoy him more. At this point, if he was going to take cheap shots, so would I. "You're really going to stand there, calm, cool, collect," I prattled off, gesturing wildly with my hands, "and ask me if I care. I mean, how _could _I care? You know, how could someone sit through their only son's funeral and _care_? Any human being wouldn't give a shit, right?" I finally looked up at him. "Everyone just doesn't care when the doctor hands over the ashes to their only child. That's the _logical reaction_, right?"

His face remained hard as he stared at me. He didn't even answer my sarcastic rant, instead he just snapped, "The logical reaction isn't pretending it never happened, _Isa_bella."

"And I'm not," I replied fiercely, wrenching myself out of his grasp. "But just because I'm not grieving so openly doesn't mean I'm not grieving at all, Edward. Just because I'm not sulking and brooding and being so god-damned _melodramatic_ doesn't mean that I'm not grieving." I moved to the other side of the room, needing the distance to keep my head together. "You don't understand, do you? You really can't see that by just being with you is comforting to me," I shook my head, keeping his stare. "Or, maybe you just don't want to be comforted, either. Well," I was at the door in a moment, my hand gripping the handle so tight I was afraid I'd break it off, "I won't be your partner in misery."

I left him there, running down the stairs to relax into the couches of the living room. I wanted to leave the house-- to run for miles and miles and never look back --but that would not be fair to Carlisle. I was a risk, a walking time-bomb, and I didn't want to jeopardize what Carlisle had strove for centuries to build up. So, I leaned back on the couch and waited for him to come and restart our argument. I was graciously disappointed.

"Bella?" It was Carlisle's voice that had startled me from my jumbled thoughts. "I have all your things-- would you like to help me bring them in?"

I nodded silently, pushing myself off of the couch. Edward was at the door, his lips pressed into a hard line. I ignored him and followed Carlisle out of the house. I stopped dead in my tracks.

On the normally pristine lawn were every single one of the boxes Edward and I had so meticulously packed and labeled nearly a month ago. Carlisle had already sorted them all-- the CDs in one cluster, the books in another and so on --and they were simply waiting to be taken inside and unpacked. "How-- how did you do all this?"

"I ran," he shrugged, moving towards the first cluster; my clothes were the nearest to the porch. "I couldn't take the car or hire movers; it would've been too obvious and suspicious. I just grabbed a few boxes at a time, and ran with them through the forest."

"Of course," was all I could think of to reply.

It didn't take us long to have everything inside, and Carlisle was gracious about space. He had left the mortal essentials-- our pots and pans, plates and glasses --back in the house, to be put on display along with our furniture for open houses. Most of our things stayed in the boxes, while Carlisle ordered us shelving on-line. I was glad to have the distraction; by keeping my hands busy and my mind reeling with where to put what, I didn't have to think about the fact that Edward had stopped talking to me altogether.

Carlisle had said at some point during that late-night talk before Edward's change that the thirst would be all I'd be able to think about. All I would want to do is to suck the life out of every beating heart that came within five miles of me. I didn't want to necessarily say he was dead-wrong, but the burning in the back of my throat wasn't completely unbearable. I was still thirsty, but not in the if-I-don't-get-a-drink-soon-I'm-going-to-spontaneously-combust thirsty. When I told Carlisle this-- somewhere in the middle of a debate between which Austen book was her finest --he seemed genuinely surprised. He called to Edward, who came instantly. He must've asked the question in his head, because all I got was Edward's reply.

"Need to go, _now_." Carlisle looked at me again, and I just shrugged.

"I can last." He smiled, nodding.

"You shouldn't, though-- I'd prefer to be safe than sorry," he jerked his head in the direction of the door. I sighed and slowly made my way towards his car, Edward falling into step beside me.

"I," he seemed to be having difficulties finding words again-- or, perhaps he was lacking some sort of self control. He was pinching the bridge of his nose hard and his eyes were closed. "God_damn_ it, I'm so thirsty," he grunted, grasping my arm. "Hurry, please," he pulled me along, obviously annoyed at my human pace. I kept up, looking at him. "I-- oh, _jeez_--"

We were in the car at this point, Carlisle stepping on the gas so hard that the tires squealed around us. I was on one side of the backseat, and he was on the other, trying to calm himself down. I waited patiently. "Bella-- I- I just need you right now." He looked so absolutely broken that I complied, resuming the comfortable position we had held the last time we had gone hunting. I placed my head in his lap, and he stroked my hair absentmindedly.

Carlisle was oddly silent in the car, not asking a single question out loud or in his head; Edward was just as silent. I wondered why my thirst wasn't nearly as deprecating as Edward's, but I assumed that I may have just had more than he had during our last outing. It seemed logical enough for me, and I accepted it as truth. It still didn't appease my curiosity as to why we had to drive in such insufferable silence.

Carlisle was keeping something from me, and so was Edward. I was annoyed, frustrated, and the slight burning in the back of my throat was making me just a little restless. All I wanted to do was _finally_get some answers. The car drive to Carlisle's "favorite spot" was taking too long. Despite Edward's hands in my hair, I was not at all relaxed. The music playing softly from the radio wasn't helping matters much. Something had been bothering me since the accident had happened, and I knew that Carlisle would be able to answer me. I also knew that Edward probably already knew the answer, due to his stupid-super-human-(vampire?)-power. It would only be fair if I was out of the dark as well.

"Carlisle."

"Yes, Bella?"

"Who was the other driver?" I finally asked the question I had been dying to ask since I regained consciousness in the hospital three weeks ago.

"Don't," Edward warned, but I ignored him. I pushed myself off of his lap and met Carlisle's eye in the rear-view mirror. Edward growled lowly, and I answered with a soft growl of my own. _Two can play __**that **__game, Mr. Masen. _He glared at me, but I shrugged it off.

"If you get to know, so should I."

Carlisle looked torn, but after a stiff-- and reluctant --nod from Edward, he relented. "His name was Tyler Crowley, Bella," Carlisle began, ripping his gaze from mine to focus on the road. "He's the only lawyer Forks has, I think," he continued. "He's got a small family-- a wife and a kid. A daughter-- her name's Meghan, or something similar."

"A _family man_ was the drunk driver?" I was incredulous; how could someone with a child ever think it wise to drink and drive? Not that any other drunk driver is acceptable-- not by any means --it's just that drinking heavily isn't something one with a family should do anyway, let alone get behind a wheel.

"He... he had just gotten divorce papers sent to him from his wife," Carlisle continued on hesitantly. Got to love small towns; everyone knew everything about each other. No secrets... "He had thought she was vacationing with some college friends in Hawaii. Turns out, she was with another man in Los Angeles. She was requesting sole custody of their only kid..."

"Doesn't excuse his behavior."

"But it explains it," Carlisle offered feebly. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared out the window. Edward was making awkward noises beside me; between groans of pain and growls of rage. I turned to look at him, and he was pinching the bridge of his nose and trying not to breathe.

"How- how can you handle it so _calmly_?" He panted, turning his black eyes to me. I stifled a gasp at their darkness, my mouth hanging open stupidly. "How-- how is it not driving you _insane_?"

"What _should _be driving me insane?" I was confused, and that only seemed to anger him.

"The thirst-- _dear God_!" He groaned, throwing himself backwards against the seat. He raised two hands to grip the sides of his head as he let out a loud roar of despair. "It's all I can think about right now!" He finally managed after a few moments of heavy panting.

I sensed his need for a distraction, and moved closer to him without being told. I hesitantly wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling him to me. I placed my mouth to his ear, whispering calming words to him. Previous disagreements were pushed to the farthest corner of my mind; no matter how mad I was at him, I could never stand to see him suffer. He was calmer, but not entirely relaxed. Carlisle needed to get there-- quickly.

"Bella," Carlisle spoke after a few minutes, pulling my out of my trance. I continued running my hands through Edward's hair mindlessly, tearing my eyes away from his pitiful gaze. "Am I correct in assuming you have a good handle on your thirst?" I nodded mutely, turning back to stare at my husband. "Then I am going to leave you to your own hunt-- I have to follow Edward, in case there's... there's a camper."

"What about me?" I asked quietly. "Are you not worried about whether or not I would cross paths with a human?"

"Somehow, I'm confident that you could handle it," Carlisle shrugged. "We can talk later."

I hadn't noticed the car was stopped until Edward wrenched himself free of my grip and launched himself out of the backseat. He took off into the forest without a backwards glance or even a murmuring of thanks. I let the disappointment settle uncomfortably in my stomach as I removed myself from the backseat, taking in my surroundings again.

Edward had probably gone after the herd of deer that was due North, so I decided I would "feast" upon some rabbits I heard munching on the underbrush a little while away. A snack, I thought humorlessly as I broke it's poor little neck. I tried to remember the times I had eaten rabbit stew with Charlie at his favorite restaurant-- surely, this was no different?

I buried the three rabbits together and stood up again, taking in another whiff of the air around me. As suspected, I could no longer smell the herd of deer; Edward had made quick work of them. Though the thirst didn't go away, it was more like I had swallowed something with a bad taste rather than this undeniable need for blood. To be safe, I took out a stray deer and buried it shortly after. I made my way back to the Mercedes, where I laid in the backseat, waiting for them to finish.

I don't know if it was minutes or hours later when Edward pulled me into his lap, cradling me against him. He leaned down and whispered, "I feel better now." It wasn't the apology I was looking for, but I'd take it for now. Whenever he decided to pull his head out of his ass and listen to me, I'd be waiting. Until then, I'd just have to look forward to the brighter parts of his mood swings. I just kept repeating my own words in my head; _everyone grieves their own way._

"Why does Bella have more control?" Edward mused aloud, cradling me like I was a porcelain doll.

Carlisle took a while to consider the question, before he asked me, "Bella-- as a human, were you... impartial to blood?"

"I could smell it-- I've always hated how it smelled..." I shrugged. "I'd get all... queasy at the smell-- the sight of it was enough to make me dizzy... I've fainted a couple times." This didn't seem relevant to me; so I got a little dizzy at the sight and smell of blood-- that seemed perfectly normal. Carlisle was silent for a long time, again, and I felt Edward become slightly tense as he held me. I turned to stare at him, only to see him smiling slightly and shaking his head.

"It seems that your inability to handle blood as a human has morphed into your ability to control yourself around blood as a vampire," he seemed awed by that thought, a bit of hope sparkling in his eyes. I relaxed instantly, feeling relieved that the horrible regret had been replaced with such beautiful hope. He just continued to hold me as Carlisle drove in silence.

Still, though, as he held me in his arms, I could feel his hesitance. I could feel the reluctance that was washing over him as he slowly drew circles on my arms, his delicate fingers tracing patterns on my skin. His gentle humming of a song I didn't recognize seemed panicked as if he had to do something to distract himself from something else. Anticipation for the inevitable began to settle in my stomach, weighing it down as a nasty taste filled my mouth. I wondered if vampires could throw up; I certainly felt like I wanted to at that point. Edward was waiting, impatiently, for Carlisle to get back to the house so we could have that same argument for the millionth time in days. He was just waiting until we had a better sense of faux privacy. It would be easier to pretend that Carlisle couldn't hear us if we couldn't see him.

What did I have to do to make him understand that I felt just as horrible as he did about all of this? Really, did I have to kill Tyler Crowley himself to prove that I was just as angry, upset, and miserable?

The revelation hit me like a ton of bricks.

I had to somehow, someway, illustrate _exactly_how I felt about everything. I needed to prove myself to Edward, to show him that I was as much in pain and as angry as he was. That was the only way to end this stupid argument.

I had to kill Tyler Crowley.

The plan started to form in my head before I had even considered any of it. It would be simple enough; a minute alone in Carlisle's study, a few seconds on his computer, and an address would be within my reach. Once I had the address, all I needed to do was make a break for it; if I waited for just the right moment, I could give myself enough of a head start that Edward wouldn't be able to notice I had gone before it was too late. I would break his neck-- snap it easily --and leave his body to be found. The news would spread, Edward would know, and all could go back to the way it was.

My stomach clenched uncomfortably at the thought of _killing _someone. The only reason I had been able to stand hunting was because it was no different from killing a deer for it's meat; I was killing an animal for sustenance. This, though... this was a far cry from killing something because I needed to live. This was killing someone for revenge, and I was not the most vengeful of people. I was meek little Bella Masen who avoided confrontation like the plague... and there I sat in my husband's arms, plotting the best way to kill someone in cold blood. The idea sounded absolutely crazy in my head; would this count as an-eye-for-an-eye? Would killing Tyler Crowley really make Josh's death okay? Would killing Tyler Crowley make everything go back to normal, for everything to settle into a peaceful equilibrium?

Would I really _kill _someone for Edward? I had said that I would do anything for him, but never in my life did I think about something as awful as this. I needed to separate what I was planning to do from murder; I couldn't think of it as killing an innocent. I had to completely distinguish the difference in killing someone for no purpose and killing Tyler Crowley for a purpose. A completely selfish and morbid purpose, but a purpose nonetheless. It was only fair, right? If he got to take away everything from me-- my son, my soul, my life, my husband --could I not take his life away from him?

Wasn't I just... a vigilante? I was acting as judge, jury, and executioner. He had murdered my little boy, and he deserved to die. If the Washington courts weren't going to press any further charges than a D.U.I., then I would just have to take matters into my own hands. He was the killer, not me. I was doing the world a favor, ridding the world of a drunk driver. He was a danger to society, and I was just fulfilling my civil duty by taking him out. I was protecting everyone else, wasn't I? So that there were no more repeats of this the next time he decided to drown his misery in a bottle of cheap booze.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward's whisper pulled me out of my mental debate, his hand gently pulling my chin up so I could meet his worried eyes. "You've been so quiet. Do you want to talk about it?" Perhaps he was hoping that this was the breakdown he had expected since he learned of Josh's death. I was going to disappoint him once again.

"It's nothing," even I could hear the lie in my words, "Don't worry about it." He seemed to want to argue on the matter further, but he merely kept his mouth shut and nodded. He opened the door and got out of the car, his arms never loosening their hold on me. He carried me like a small child who couldn't make it to their bed, taking me inside the house and up the stairs to our room. It was full, now, with boxes of his CDs and my books stacked haphazardly around the perimeter, the middle of the floor left open just for us. He folded his legs beneath him, sitting down and taking me with him. I clung to him tightly, my mind still reeling with what I had to do.

"I--I think," I started off hesitantly, "I think I'm going to use Carlisle's computer for a moment... look at some furniture." If I brougt up shopping, he'd leave me be. I hated it nearly as much as he did, and I was not pleasant to be around when I had to do it.

"I think I might set up the stereo," he nodded, kissing my forehead. I pulled myself out of his grasp and stood, looking at him anxiously for a moment before I attempted to smile at him.

"Going to alphabetize the CDs as well?"

"Oh, get out of here," he teased right back, pushing me playfully towards the door. "Before I start to mess with your books."

I grimaced, not from the idea of him messing with my books but with the anticipation of starting my plan. I made my way down the hall and entered Carlisle's study, thanking whatever powers that be that he was not inside. I listened for a moment to hear him downstairs, turning the pages of a rather old book. I sighed in relief and closed the door behind me. Under the first layer of papers on his desk sat a sleek, black laptop. I moved towards the desk, sitting down in his chair. I pushed the paperwork aside and turned on the computer. With hesitant fingers, I opened up the Internet and waited impatiently for Google to load.

The bright white welcome page was mocking me. I bit my lip and typed in the name that had caused all this trouble.

T-Y-L-E-R C-R-O-W-L-E-Y

It took all my self-control not to punch each letter in with all the anger that was boiling up inside of me; it'd be rude for me to break Carlisle's computer. The page loaded, and I huffed at coming up with anything other than a few wedding blogs and some photographer. Frustrated, I clicked next to the name in the search box and typed quickly.

F-O-R-K-S, W-A-S-H-I-N-G-T-O-N

There, right at the top, was the address of Tyler Crowley's law firm.

The plans changed just as quickly in my head. I saw myself standing across the street, watching him leave his firm, get into his car, and drive to the house where he lived by himself; his wife and child being a couple states away. I would run in between the shadows, following him as he made the commute home, where I would then wait. Once I made sure he was by himself, I would break into his house and attack.

Without bothering to shut off the computer, I was out of my chair and down the stairs in a moment. Carlisle was gone-- I heard him discussing something with Edward upstairs. Not giving myself a chance to examine the situation further, I tore out of the house at a breakneck speed, the door staying open behind me. As I darted through the trees, my own agility astounding me, I heard Edward's frantic call.

"Bella!"

I ignored it. I had to ignore it. I had to keep going.

The animals around me were distractingly appetizing. As much as my thirst was begging for a side trip-- a moment's hesitation to pick off a weak deer --I had to shake away my instincts. Not now. Not yet. I picked up my pace, pushing myself towards the little town only a few miles away. The trees started to thin out, revealing house after house. I was a white flash in the never-ending green, darting through backyards in my haste to get to where I was going.

When I got to the more industrial side of Forks-- a laugh, really, as it consisted of the hospital, a grocery store, and a few office buildings --I slowed down so I could pay attention to the signs. Finally, I stopped when I read, _Tyler Crowley and Associates_ on the front of an older looking building. I took in my surroundings, searching for a place to hide.

"Thank you, Mr. Crowley," I heard as I crouched down behind a bush across the street. "Really, without you, we would have lost the house, and I don't know how I can ever--"

"It's nothing, Ben, really," a deeper voice answered. I heard a slap on the back and a sharp intake of breath, as if the slap had been meant as friendly, but was more powerful than anticipated. "Anything for a friend."

"Thanks again," Ben had replied quietly. I heard a car door slam. I peeked through the bush, staring as the car disappeared at the subject of my plan stood by, watching. He had his briefcase in one hand and an overcoat over his other arm. He was leaving. I silently rejoiced as I watched him get into a nice car.

Following Tyler Crowley as he drove home was easier than I had originally thought. Edward's hunt must've taken longer than I had previously calculated; twilight had fallen, leaving the sky a beautiful mix of delicious purples and oranges. It wasn't hard to remain in the shadows; they were everywhere.

His stupid little car-- an expensive car, I could tell --pulled into one of the nicer houses in Forks. It was by no means Carlisle's mansion, but it wasn't as tiny as Edward's and my house would have been. The driveway and garage were void of all other cars. I listened carefully and I heard no heartbeat other than his own. Excellent. This would be easy.

I slipped into the garage just as the door was closing, hiding behind his car as he turned the light off. My enhanced vision helped me move stealthily through the crowded garage, and I was able to avoid making a single sound as I followed him into the house. I wasn't breathing-- I hadn't breathed the entire time I was chasing him. I wanted to avoid letting his blood take over my mind; I needed to keep my right mind so that all I could do was break his neck. That would look a little less suspicious than a completely drained body. He had flipped on a couple lights in the downstairs area; I heard him start to make himself some dinner in the kitchen.

As I climbed the stairs, fully prepared to snap his neck while he cooked his frozen pizza, I paused. There, along the wall were pictures of Tyler Crowley and his family. He was an attractive man who had found a gorgeous wife-- she looked like a supermodel. Their child-- Meghan? --was as beautiful as her mother, but she had her father's eyes. A pang of guilt hit my dead heart, stabbing the empty part of my soul as I stared at the pictures. I closed my eyes and collected my thoughts. An eye for an eye.

His life for my son's.

With determination, now, I climbed the stairs, effectively ignoring the collection of pictures. I reached the top of the stairs, listening for the sounds of the pizza baking in the oven. I heard his footsteps as he moved towards the family room, then I heard the television switch on. Some game came blaring through his surround sound, effectively drowning out his heartbeat. One less thing I had to worry about.

I moved towards the room where I heard the game blaring, taking my time. The extra time it took me helped me clear my head and focus on the task at hand. I stood in the doorway to his family room, his blond hair barely visible over the back of the leather arm chair he was seated in. A beer was directly to his left, next to a very complicated-looking remote control. The television was huge-- nearly taking up the entire wall. He was a fan of soccer, apparently, as he was watching what appeared to be a local game.

Oh, Christ-- he's watching his little girl play soccer.

_No_. I shut my eyes to collect myself.

If I couldn't watch Josh play tee-ball, how is it fair that he gets to watch Meghan play soccer?

Before I could ponder further, I felt myself being launched across the room. I opened my eyes to see Edward gripping me tightly, Carlisle following close behind. We slammed into the opposite wall, creating a large hole as we flew threw it, landing in his large backyard. "Get off of me!" I growled, throwing him off of me. I threw myself in the direction of the house, but Carlisle's arms found my waist, dragging me towards the line of trees further towards the back.

"Bella, this isn't the answer," his voice was in his calm, "doctor" voice. I growled at him, throwing off his arms just as easily as Edward's. Newborn strength, Carlisle had said, was superior to even the oldest of vampires. With the sound of two rocks colliding, Edward was on top of me again. "Bella, stop this," Carlisle's voice was firm, and Edward was pleading with me with his eyes.

I glowered at both of them, but especially Edward. Didn't he understand why I was here? Didn't he feel as if Tyler Crowley should be dead? "Let. Me. _Go_." I growled again, the snarl ripping through my insides as I fought against Edward's arms. He held on just as tight as before, snarling just as venomously back at me.

"He's-- he's coming," Edward managed to wheeze before cutting off his oxygen supply again. He wasn't breathing. That made sense. I took in a deep breath through my mouth and struggled against Edward again.

"I. Have. To. Do. This."

"But you don't, Bella-- you don't!" Carlisle was firm as he grabbed my upper-body, Edward taking my lower half. They carried me towards the woods, moving at vampiric speeds. "He's suffering--"

"Not enough!" I hissed, thrashing against their grip. "Not _nearly_ enough."

"Bella, you can't mean that," Edward whispered, and I turned to look at him. "You really can't... _want _to do this, can you?"

I paused, watching him. He opened his mouth to say something else, but realized that he didn't have enough oxygen to say it. He took a deep breath through his nose to gain the necessary amount. The world stopped revolving around the sun in that one moment.

He tensed, dropping my legs as if he forgot he was holding them in the first place. He lowered his body into a predatory crouch, his eyes glazing over. "Edward, grab her," Carlisle grunted as I continued to fight against him. Yet I was fighting against him for a completely different person; I was no longer fighting his hold on me to _kill _someone, I was fighting against him to _save_ someone else. "I can't keep holding her-- Edward?"

By the time Carlisle had noticed Edward's stance, it was too late. Edward flew out of the trees and across the backyard. I watched him go with disbelieving eyes. "Carlisle, let go!" I screeched, thrusting myself out of his grip and taking off after Edward. The door flew off it's hinges when I burst through it, but I didn't care. I couldn't hear the screams of protest or terror as I thought I should, but I could definitely hear Edward feeding. Panicked, I jumped through the hole we had originally created to find Edward crouched over Tyler Crowley's unmoving body. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't feel anything as I watched him.

He finished quickly, but time seemed to slow down as he gathered his thoughts. I could almost watch the wheels turning in his head as what he had just done came back to him. His eyes met mine, and the look of horror made me sick. I took a deep breath and flinched away at the smell.

While animal blood had smelled sweet and delicious, human blood made me want to vomit. It smelt of death and mold and... _ergh_. I held my breath as soon as the scent buried itself in my memory. Unfortunately, Edward misunderstood the look of disgust that had washed over my face.

"So-- so sorry," he muttered, backing away from Tyler Crowley's body. "Monster. Can't-- _ah_..."

"No, Edward-- Edward, _please_--"

But it was too late. Edward had jumped through the window behind him, the glass shattering all around. Carlisle's arms wrapped around me before I could move to follow him, and I fought harder against his grip. I had to get Edward. I had to bring him back. I had to touch him. I had to comfort him. I had to apologize.

This was all my fault.

* * *

Liked it? Hated it? Let me have it-- in a REVIEW!

I had been toying with the idea of not giving a sneak peek, because this chapter and the next are pretty much the climax of Bella's part in this story, but I figured with a cliffy like that, it'd be cruel to just... leave you guys hanging.

And, because it was one of those rare epiphanies I get whilst driving and listening to music, I even know the song for next chapter. **"Stop and Stare" by OneRepublic.**

Okay. Sneak-peek:

* * *

_"Why did you bring him?!" He just stared at me knowingly, and that only fueled the full-on rant that was building up inside of me. "Why, Carlisle?! He's a newborn, for Christ's sake, and he has gone hunting twice! He'd have **no** idea of self-control whatsoever, and you took him in town?!" I was going to burn a hole in the carpet I was pacing so quickly, going from one end of the room to the next in a matter of moments. "How do you know he's not rampaging the town right now, making a massacre of things? How do you know he's not out draining small children and devouring the masses? You've unleashed a-a--"_

_I collapsed on the ground, taking my head into my hands as I tearlessly sobbed. Had I really just been about to call my own husband a monster? Had I really suggested that he'd kill an entire town of people? What was wrong with me? _

_What had I **done**?_


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